Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Regular blogging will resume just before Christmas after I get back from the carribean holiday! love you love you!



Monday, November 28, 2011

Some Smutty Tingles Coming Your Way

I just thought this was funny. My friend Ramona sent me the link to this site and it made me snicker all morning but I think this one is my favorite.

Not much going on in Shannonland, work is manageable, and I hit the Caribbean very shortly for a while, and BAM then Christmas! Can't believe how fast the holiday season swoops in and outta here.

I just realized I need a pedicure STAT. My toenails are so tiny I have to grow them out as long as I can stand it just so they can be painted. I think it's about time. Having little feet is nice too because I can try on the shoes at the store without sending the salespeople to the back to get my actual size. They put all the small ones out there so you have to ask. The bad news is, sometimes, the only one in your size is the display one. But Good News Again!! Discount!!! OH speaking of shoes, I completely trashed a pair of black louboutins , not on purpose, just because they were my all time favorite and I wore them on a rainy day - - the insole came out and I damaged the outsole, and I thought they were lost forever. I only wore them about a zillion times, so I guess I would live, but I was told Belk's shoe repair department could do wonders. I was really skeptical because they don't even sell Louboutin so how could they understand the heap of fairy dust that comes along with owning them? But, it was either that or fly them out personally to the Leather Spa in NYC and then fly back to pick them up. (I fly free, calm down, I'm not that pretentious) But anyway whatever, they fixed them up like new for $33. I thought they were a total loss. I would have paid a few hundred to fix them because they were, well, they were Loubs and I'm not gonna actually say how much they were but damnit they were a birthday gift from my sweetie and I loved them and they are the only full price pair I own. The rest I got on sale. Swearsies. So I was in love with them. So what? Don't judge.

Are you stuck on the flying free part still? I have a pilot friend who lets me on his free pass as his plus one because I was always very kind to him when others weren't and he wanted to make it easier for me to leave the airline and pursue my own business. He was just at Thanksgiving with us this week. Such a great friend. He's not gay and he doesn't date, so the plus one space was wasted anyway.

I seriously seriously need a point here. The point was I like the picture I posted above. This other nonsense was a bonus. Don't mention it..sigh....I'm a giver!! Hahaha


Sunday, November 27, 2011

Honey Badger Don't Care if You Like My Show...But Here Ya Go

Honey Badger Don't Care! It Takes What It Wants!

Allright, kiddos, here it is!!! First time ever, standup comedy!!!
Huge Thanks to my friends that showed up!! I would name them but they didn't give me permission to put them in my blog. And I would also like to thank Honey Badger for getting me through another stressful time with a video view before the show. Because he doesn't give a sh*t.



Hope you liked it! But if you didn't, I disabled comments, so I won't know. Come on, you try that.

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Crazy Dreams I have.....

I started taking Lexapro a few weeks ago because I have trouble sleeping and I also have anxiety (ya think!). It seems to be working because I haven't had any of those PMDD meltdowns since I started taking it. One of the side effects I have is jacked up dreams. Not like the trazodone I used to take for sleep though, those were like freaky dreams of weird scary stuff. The Lexapro makes me have very vivid, creative dreams. And LOTS of them.

So one of my friends is really into fashion and shopping. Ok A LOT of them are but this one is like the Grand Queen of it.

Ok, it starts with us going to a blog convention and we've been assigned to tweet and/or blog about certain products. So we get there, and there's a sign for each person and we have to spend the night in sleeping bags under our sign while we try out whatever product we've been assigned to review for this blog/tweet retreat conference thing or whatever it is. In the dream, I'm thinking, what am i DOING here and how the hell did they get Sunshine to show up? I'm naming her that.

So Sunshine is there and she's been assigned to review sensible shoes and a hair salon inside of a department store. I've been assigned to review blueberry jello. Whatever. And the Queen of England is also there, sitting next to me at elementary school lunch tables while we talk about our products. I don't know why she was there, but I was poking my jello with a fork and noting its wiggle-ness ( I mean how much can you say about Jello) and I realize at the same time the Queen does that my jello isn't on a plate, it's on a lunch tray, and that's kind of gross. So she picks up her tray and goes to sit somewhere else with someone who doesn't play in Jello. Cool. I'm embarrassed, but distracted at what Sunshine is doing.

We are supposed to go on camera and give video interviews about what we think about the products. She's reviewing sensible shoes at a dapartment store as well as their hair salon. Except she's bucked the system and she's like, ok, sensible shoes are no fun and who goes to a mall hair salon to get their hair done?!

Then, she starts going all over the place going "OMG!! This is CASHMERE!! (grabbing a vest nearby) It's HALF OFF!! HALF OFF!!" and she goes through the store while the camera follows her and she starts grabbing up things she wants to buy. She finds shiny shoes and grabs them and is like "Sensible shoes? No! PRETTY SHOES!! They're beautiful and they're a STEAL from this designer!!" She takes a pic with her phone and tweets that and then declares that they are her shoes.

The video producer gets really mad and shuts her down and they peel her out of the layers of clothes that she's found (she has put on every single article she likes) but she's hanging onto the shoes. So they arrest her.

She's very calm, but she gets her two Louis Vuitton purses off her arm and pulls out dust bags and makes the cops wait to cuff her while she puts a pad down, sets down both bags, pulls out dust bags, and white gloves and very gently puts her purses in the dust bags, explaining to the police how to care for them while she is being processed. She then tosses the shoes to me and tells me to "protect the legacy" and they take her away.

The Queen of England is clapping and Nickleback is playing "Far Away" and I am frustrated because I still have nothing to say about Blue Jello, and I'm embarrassed that I made an ass of myself in front of the Queen. Nickleback asks me to come with them and I am like, wait how did you get here from Detroit so fast? And then Nickleback says "Where are we anyway?"

And the Queen says "The F if I know, but those shoes she has will send us all home"

And that's all I remember.

That's CRAZY.

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Post Holiday Hurrah rah rahs!!

Happy Sunday all!! I have been on sort of an online vacation - meaning I basically stayed the F off the computer, which you guys noticed because I got some concerned emails!! I also turned off my phone so I'm really slow about returning texts. I will be back in full force tomorrow and I love you ever ever so!!! Thank you for all your love!!

Don't worry about the previous blog posts when I was feeling down, remember, we all get down and just because I put mine out there doesn't mean I'm extra down....I'm doing fine, full of sunshine, and probably in a few months will have something else to whine about but I'm super happy and very optimistic about the upcoming year!!

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for coming out to my stand-up act at The Comedy Zone. I can't tell you how scared I was. I was so catatonic beforehand that some were thinking I wouldn't do it. Including me. You guys, that is SO SCARY!! But I got through it. I think it was clear that I was a newbie.

I was watching the open mic session beforehand and thinking, OMG I can't do this. I can't. All that confidence they have. OMG. So I had champagne. I didn't drink it. I was so freaked out. Marion Karr and his wife are the best. They were so calming to me...my friends and husband where everywhere but I had to stay in the back and wait for the Celebrity show to start.

I found out that you can't even be in the main show unless you graduate from Comedy Zone school, so I was really feeling sick thinking I didn't belong there, why did the owner think I belonged there, I was having all those internal voices telling me not to do it, and Sid Davis, Marion Karr, his gorgeous wife, and Richard Hilyard kept giving me little back pats while I paced. I was so freaked out. No one else looked freaked out. I was so afraid. I was too afraid to even get amped up. I usually get wound up before something I'm nervous about, like before I host events, but I was just still and petrified. It was the scariest thing I'd ever done.

But they clapped. And they laughed. And my friends hugged me, and I think it was a good show. I am not sure I will do that again, but it's something to check off the list, right? Now I would honestly like to maybe audition for some kind of theatrical thing in Charlotte. Not necessarily make the cut, although if I did, I'd have to commit, which is exciting, but I am afraid to do that, so I think I will try that too.

What else? Oh, ofcourse the holiday was nice and the food was great. Ours was relatively quiet, which is how we like things given our fast lifestyle. We did the Turkey Trot at SouthPark which benefitted several local charities, and next on my agenda is the Second String Santa event at the NC Music Factory, which I will be hosting at the Saloon.

There are so many great opportunities in Charlotte to give back, that it really erases all those negative feelings I get sometimes.

Anyways, I love you all and I will be back in full force Monday (tomorrow)
Going grocery shopping now! Just had to respond, there were 38 emails in my box and about 20 unanswered texts asking if I was doing better, so thank you thank you and yes!!! Happy girl here!!

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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving, you turkeys!

Me and my little gobblers. David participated too but *someone* had to take the pic!

Had a great night at the Comedy Zone last night , woke up super early this morning to do the 5k Turkey Trot in the SouthPark area with the whole family - did great! Everyone got medals, it really was some nice family bonding time. I totally reccommend making something like this part of your tradition. It brings you together , it's good for you physically, mentally, gives you warm fuzzies and now you have burned plenty of calories to compensate for the carb/calorie apocolypse that's going to happen later. See? Everyone's a winner!!!!

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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Best Day Ever!!!!!

Richard Simmons Hopes YOUR day was SUPER DUPER fancy too, with sparkles!!!

So, today, had a really productive day businesswise, got a few new clients ba-da-boom, and signed up for work on another amazing charity event. I'm so excited to be so involved, it makes me feel great to have things and causes. It takes all the ugly out of the world.

Tomorrow's my big night!! We have an AMAZING turnout expected!!!!

Then Thanksgiving, and then turkey and then football!! I love football and watching safe destruction. I also love hockey. It's kind of funny when they fight, don't you guys think????

Anyway, sweet hubs is home and I need to enjoy the family dinner! Got the sweetest package in the mail from a friend. I better consult the Big Guy first before I send her one back. You know , to show how much I appreciated it. I'm thinking something that will really knock her out. I mean, there's no expense spared for class like that. Aww... I love you :) You sweet silly girly girl!!

Love you guys!!!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

So, it's happy dance time.

Allright guys....so my jackass parade of a twitter feed and my sparkling personality (?) have earned me not just hosting privileges but I am now going to be doing an actual stand-up set instead of just bringing out the acts.

This could really go either way. I am nervous/excited!! I don't really care if I get booed or anything because there will be strategically placed thugs in the audience to prevent that. Just kidding. Not Really. Ok Really. Or DID I? Muuhahhahaa

Anyways, now I'm writing my material because this is never something I thought I'd do , like FOR REALS...I always admire people's ability to do that, but I never saw myself doing it on an actual stage. I had no problem making myself a sideshow at school or work, but that was pretty much the extent of it.

It is the night before Thanksgiving, so my guest list allotment is pretty hefty. PLEASE contact me at sdp1108@gmail.com if you would like to bring a date, family or friends. It's an all ages show (although I'd still keep them at least 18) and I need to know by Wed morning.

You'll go to 900 Seabord St. and enter through the Saloon , preferably around 730pm. Check in and you'll be guided down to will-call where your tickets will await. I will be on site so if you encounter any problems getting in, please ask for Mike the manager and he will track me down.

DS Sanders is hilarious.

This is such a neat little venue and I'm always proud to be affiliated with the NC Music Factory , as we've been working together for awhile now!!!

My formal website is www.shannondawnmedia.com if you want to see what professional Shannon is up to, but other than that, please come support me Wednesday, if not, I am in talks for a more regular relationship with the Comedy Zone.

Please email me right away so I can hold your table. Love and snuggles and probably a shot or two. BAM!!!

There is also a huuuuge party going on at the Saloon that will be in full swing after the show so feel free to knock a few back afterward before we have to all give thanks and be nice to each other tomorrow!!!

Love you ALL the way to the moon!!

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Saturday, November 19, 2011

Excellent Query, Mary

We are at PF Changs for my stepdaughter's birthday dinner. The horse statues are cool but do you think the tail ornamentation is traditional or because a giant horse's ass and naughty bits would be unappetizing? Maybe a little of both? Heh heh. damn I can't upload the pic I took. Will add later.

Ok just wondering...WHO DOES THIS?

So, I decided to eat a hot pocket while watching Michigan Football with David because we love to junk food out, and while hot pockets aren't exactly healthy, they're a lot less calorie laden than these insane chili cheese fries (like drowning in cheese) that I usually make since we are trying to be skinny before our Carribean 2nd honeymoon in 3 weeks.

So anyway, I was trying to figure out how long to put it in the microwave since I haven't had to eat this crap since college (wow it's nice to have a choice whether I want to eat like a starving scholar) I realize that it's 2 minutes. Cool. Then I see the oven instructions. Preheat the oven to some ungodly heat and then wait for 30 effing minutes? So preheating usually takes like 5-10 min and then you gotta wait 30 more minutes for a freaking stupid hot pocket? WHO DOES THAT???? Anyone?? Just asking.
That's real commitment right there since ovens are more expensive than microwaves. I just don't understand it. Whatever.

PS Sometimes I enjoy eating Ramen too. I put cheese in it. Tee hee!!

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Halleluja!!! (oh, crap! update!)

And the clouds parted and the angel voices rang and yes,thine damn dress or whatever was good, so sayeth the Shannon.

Do you UNDERSTAND the level of incompetence of me vs. sewing machine? (reading instructions) I know this is a bobbin but what the f is it for? Wait, how do I get it to grab the thread? Wait thread goes underneath too...wait why is this underneath thread white? What is going on? How do I get it out? Seam ripper. Wait WHAT!! Ripper? This is satin!!! I must RIP out white thread, about 14 stitches worth? OMG I need a xanax break but I don't actually have any of that. Wine would be fine too but by the time it took effect, Kendall would need the dress already because it is a PERFORMANCE dress for the Charlotte Children's Choir and it's all fancy and she performs at like, now.

OMG OMG this is a simple hem. What is wrong with me.
I finally figure out how to work the damn sewing machine, begging it to work like it can actually hear me, and miraculously I made it through. Not before sewing over a pin and breaking my needle and then having to figure out how the F to deal with that (thank GOD I had more needles and they came with instructions)

Anyway right as Kendall walked in the door, the dress was literally handed over to her. AND she said it looked SOOO good!!!

I mean I know this is just a hem but I'm telling you, I'm TELLING you, the level of not qualified that I am to be near a machine that stabs things repeatedly faster than I can come up with an excuse is like, astounding. The fact that I could even turn it AND GET THE THREAD IN was miraculous. The fact we HAD thread was miraculous.

There is no other explanation of this than all your prayers. See evidence. God works miracles. TADA!!!!


Oh, Crap!!

Well, I know I was celebrating the fixing of this satiny almost ball gown (but without the poof, more like a bridesmaid's dress) by my friend, but I didn't realize that it takes more work than I thought and she has three kids who were fighting, having injuries, screaming, needing baths and I do believe that I overextended her and she didn't have the heart to tell me no. So I called her last night like a psycho wondering how it was (Not like HOW THE FKK IS MY DRESS) but like, OMG I'm gonna die, is it still alive? And she said she was really tired. I felt terrible. And I was like sh*t!! Kendall needs it like NOW like right now while I'm reporting live to you guys. This is Shannon reporting Live from my trainwreck of a situation. So David went to get the dress last night and now I'm going to hem it. Myself. Please pray.


For the praying people, please pray RIGHT NOW that I don't mess this up. It will be very , very, very bad. Very bad. I'm pretty sure that passage about Jesus turning his head and weeping, would apply here except I think they would be tears of laughter because I'm already sure I'm making a mistake. MAYDAY MAYDAY


Friday, November 18, 2011

My Top Whatever Number I Come Up With You Tube Must See Vids

I made this list for my friend Mimi. That is not her real name, but we are going to call her that for confidentiality. For Mimi has not seen some of the best YouTube videos ever created. I am sure I missed some, but feel free to add your favorite in the comments section but be warned, don't be all weird because I won't publish it and I'll mock you later.

1) Anything by Jenna Marbles. But here are my favorites. I wouldn't watch her at work because she says the F word ALOT.

"What Caffiene Does" This is my favorite of all time. Ever.

2) Kelly: SHOES . It's great. I just watched it again.

3) The Crazy NastyAss Honeybadger. Oh, trust me. Trusttt me.

4)Drunken Lady Ruins Wedding Oh, let's use this tent support as a stripper pole, oh no!! AAAHH!!

5) The effing creepiest weird kid I have ever seen, lip synching to Katy Perry. I laughed so hard.

And also the one that Code Name "Rainbow" just added on Twitter. She's cuddling with the kids now so can't add to this. There you go Mimi. That should get you started. And anything on my youtube channel. Which is intlshannon. hahaha.

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Well today flew by like a witch on a mission!

I mean that in a good way though.

First thing that happened, was that I realize that when I dropped my laptop on its face recently, it didn't really appreciate it, hence my lack of tweets today. It was driving me crazy.

Then I couldn't find my phone.

Then I couldn't find my Ipad to enable the "Where is my Phone" app.

Then I couldn't find my keys.

Then I washed my hair with stress relief bath oil because I wasn't looking at what I was doing.

Then it took washing it 6 times to get it out. Then dish soap. Then 4 more times and it's still kind of grimy.

Then I realized my daughter needs a dress hemmed for tomorrow morning and if I touched it I might as well just feed it to a lion because it would end up looking better so I went to every seamstress I could find offering them whatever money they wanted and they were like "No it take two day"

Um no it really doesn't it's a simple hem. and we already pinned it in place and measured it, it just involves sewing in a straight line. Doing anything in a straight line for me is , well, let's stop laughing, I'm a complete spazz but for a seamstress it should be a cake walk. So I just about lost hope when my friend Jessica swooped by, got the dress and I pick it up later tonight. YAY!!

Earlier I had lunch with a group of saucy girls that rock , and that made me feel tons happy.

Then I realized I was late to pick up a kid which would make me late to pick up another kid. Then I realized the later kid actually is staying at school because she's in a play. Oh shit! She's in a play! Wait, but she's in the crew and actually asked us not to come, phew.

But wait! I took my husband to work and he's gonna need a ride home. CRAP! Then I realized he was walking because he's all about fitness.

Then I realized my severely ADHD daughter was sent to my house without any ADHD meds from her dad's house which is going to be a very big challenge but we will survive.

Then I realized I still need to fix my laptop which fell on its face so I took it to get fixed and the sweet people at Office Depot opened their loving arms and I opened my loving wallet and I bought another laptop just in case because I have no patience. I actually have a desktop but I hate sitting here because the chair is uncomfortabe and basically, I can't watch Dr. Phil from this room. What? I work from home.
Do you guys think I actually dress up and behave myself ALL the time? No way, I'm behind a computer. Sometimes I even drink too much Dr. Pepper and it makes me burp and I have a giggle, but if that happened to me in public I would cry.

I really do hope my laptop gets fixed though because now I don't feel like opening the box of the other one.

Now I just realized the lasagna I need to feed my kids needs to go in the oven now if it's gonna be done at any reasonable time.

BUT you guys!! guess what! The uggs I put in the washing machine came out fine!! Just stuff them! I made videos , and will upload soon!

So, yeah, my day has been effing BONKERS.


DONT FORGET!! I AM ON THE MIC WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT THE COMEDY ZONE!! 8PM!! And if you are a twitter or blog fan I have free tickets to give you!! Contact me for your free tickets!!!

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Me, a Microphone, and a Free Night Out For You. 2 Dates to choose from.

I can honestly say that things got better today!! Funk officially over and we are transforming into funkY!!

Charlotte people! I have two nights to offer you. The first is tomorrow at the Comedy Zone, Julian McCullough of Comedy Central and VH1 fame, one of the most sought after comedians will be in Charlotte tomorrow night starting at 8pm. I have partnered with Comedy Zone and have the ability to get you and your friends a table. Please email me at sdp1108@gmail.com to get on my guest list and I'll get you all set up. Here is the Comedy Zone website for information on the venue (dont bother buying, the tix are my pleasure) and the address which is at the NC Music Factory.


The second exciting bit of news is that I will be on stage prior to the main act who is DS Sanders from BET, Comedy Central, and HBO. I would love for some support and will be happy to set you and your friends up with a table especially on this night - we're making it US Airways night in honor of my former coworkers, and I'd love to see a great turnout. This will be my first official attempt at standup comedy. This show is WEDNESDAY, the 23rd, and you can bring your family who is in for the holiday and get them a great laugh. Please email me at sdp1108@gmail.com so I can set up your table.


Here Comes the Sun Little Tweeties

My Friend Jessica Says HELLO, HOT MEN!! Ok I said that. She needs to date. Let's get this ball rolling.

Good morning!! I am doing better today . Maybe everyone just needs a little time out to pout for a while. I would like to point out, however, that I didn't just sit around and pout around my house during my funk. I basically just outstretched my arms to my twitter family and recieved hugs.

Do you believe that hugs and support are medicine? I do, I believe that it is just as much medicine and sunshine and prayer can be depending on your situation and what remedy your heart desires most. To be honest, I think I just needed a little bit of a rest. And some retail therapy didn't hurt.

Monday's highlight was taking my Platinum best friend Jessica and forcing her to get into hair and makeup and we did an impromptu photoshoot at the Saloon at the NC Music Factory. You should follow them, Richard Hilyard, my friend that is the manager was all for letting us pose on his bar with Jack Daniels. @RichardHilyard @SaloonNCMF @NCMusicfactory. (what? you know networking is the key to success right? Link up, link up, and interact!)

Jessica is my assistant to my business and she is having a big of a rough time right now with her divorce. So, I pouted about myself in my heart that I felt was in an empty cold lightless fishtank later because Jessica needed some love. We did her up beautifully, then whisked her to the Saloon for some sassy pictures. I took all the pictures. I am professionally trained but I'm very lazy and not technical, so much of my skills aren't retained and I know the best photographers would criticize, but I'm proud of the pictures I took of Jessica because she really needed a pick-me-up. Then we sent them to her ex husband, which could have been a bad idea but he said the nicest thing he'd said to her in years. She looked like a super model! So big ups to that decision, right?
I will post the pics, promise, I just wanna get the writing out of the way.

Then, Tuesday, which was yesterday, ( I am not trying to sound like Rebecca Black, I just really have a hard time with my days running together when I'm out of commission) Anyways, so yesterday, we went to the mall and romped around in Belk because I heard they can fix my favorite basic black Very Prive' Christian Louboutin heels. They are my absolute favorite shoes besides my Uggs. I will discuss those later as well.

Anyway we got to Belk and they said they have seen worse and that they can fix them for like barely any dollars. And then we met these awesome salesgirls and I was so excited that people were being nice to me after that damn pain in the ass hairdresser phantom commenter guy who ruined my parade that I was like on a high.

You will not believe what I did at Victoria's Secret. I think I blogged about this once. Anyway, I was buying Jessica some bras because she is single and she needs to feel sexy and Vickie's is the best way to do it. No more Target bras, dude. You need to treat those puppies like gold since that's all these damn men seem to check out first anyway. Not saying that's a great thing but it's just nature. So the saleslady mentions to me , because I'm in their store all the time, that they got new seamless panties. Like they are made out of some kind of space age material that are silky and they hold you in at the same time. Well actually one day I put my underwear on backwards and then left it that way because it worked better. They are essentially cut like hip huggers or granny panties, but if you wear them backwards, the high part lifts up your butt cheeks SO high and what is supposed to be the front part flattens your stomach better than spanx and keeps it seamelessly and totally in check. So I demonstrated and they said "Holy Shit that's amazing" So either they placated me and made fun of me in the break room or Victoria's Secret is going to unveil a new line of ass lifting underwear that is going to start a revolution and I won't see a dime of it.

I'm telling you, girls, try it. I would post a picture of before and after but that violates an ethics clause that my husband and I have in place about body parts on my blog. But I'm telling you. Go buy the seamless hip hugger panties and put them on backward. You'll thank me for it.

So then after that Jessica was in a hurry to get to her kids' performance and didn't have time to clean up so I yanked one of my 9302493280 dresses from my closet and made her glammed up in less than 20 minutes. And that includes a mini photo shoot , the pics of which I will include.

So after she left, I was lonely and felt sad again and griped on twitter and wondered if the angry anonymous blog pisser onner got his flowers and chocolate yet. I have recieved no thank you yet. I bet he smashed them. Seriously, who could punch a sunflower in the face?

I woke up happy because it was raining and that means I could wear my brand new hunter wellies boots today and I even have the changeable fold over socks to wear with them too!!! Today I felt saucy so I wore the leopard print socks and this awesome 60's Jackie Kennedy cape-style coat that I got yesterday that has a big bow with my leather driving gloves (that also have a bow) AND my pearls because I wanted to be fancy and because because David wanted a ride to work. I was driving on the way back and I noticed a lady wearing a lime green and pink rain jacket with matching Wellies too and I wondered if the rain made her day too!! It's so much fun to be a girl!!!

Here are Jessica's pics!

here's another two from the Saloon!

and then here are some from her RED day

PS, her divorce finalizes soon and it dragged on a while so BOYS SHES SINGLE. You must have a job. Must like kids (she has 3 under 11). Must be able to afford to take her to dinner, and no damn drama. And if I dont like you, you're out of luck. :)

Anyways, hope you liked the lovely shoot I had with Jessica which brightened both of our spirits. And if you have a hateful comment to post, just know that I have cop friends that work in technicological stuff that can pull IP addresses from the comments and match them to computers.Because NC just passed a law about online harrassment! TADA!! Anywhoo have a great day! I LOVE YOU!!

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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Scar Tissue That I Wish You Saw

It's obvious I am in some sort of funk. It's not the anonymous comment sender that used every kind of dirty word possible to get to me - because yes, this person got to me. Do you know what I wanted to do today? I wanted to hire a thug that had a hook for a hand to scare him for messing with a darling like me. Honestly, it's just hard to find one of those. And I didn't really try very hard. I considered the tried and true scattering nails around his piece of crap car tires, because that's what losers do. That's when I realized that that would be loser of me. So I fantasized about all the awful bad luck this person would have. Then I reminded myself that I thought he needed botox and a new hairdo and his clothes sucked, he acts bipolar and I was warned about him several times when I was on his good side. Then I also remembered his boyfriend probably has to put up with this every day and then I imagined if they ever fight over their underwear, or if they slapped each other like girls if they had a fight. And then that made me laugh. Was that rude of me? Yes, but it kept me from acting out in a direct way that made the person feel attacked. And then do you know what I did. I sent him chocolate and sunflowers. And I didn't like, exlax the chocolate so calm down. I had FTD send it. And I wrote a nice note. And I think I told him to have a happy life. Except it was really just grating to say nice things when I wanted to tell him what an arrogant pizz worm I found him to be.

Then I realized I was doing it again.

My funk has very little to do with that, in fact I don't know what it has to do with.

I'm torn about writing about my feelings because I know from experience that people love to read about others' misfortunes. Some people want me to fail. But rock stars get to pen anthems about their breaking hearts and they get celebrated. I go through a funk and people tell me I say too much, yet they still read it.

I think the truth is , is that people all hurt in some way or another and it's never funny to capitalize or use someone else who is in pain, especially someone who is brave enough to put it out there.

It is not for attention, it is how I cope, and when people try to take it away from me, it makes me feel so very sad, for the world, not just for me.

Everyone is home from school and work now, so I have to switch modes, but I feel like my heart is floating in a fishtank full of cold water, with not even fish to keep it company. I don't feel like hurting myself, I just feel cold and numb and not myself and I know that somehow, I must find a way to keep going. There is no turmoil in my life other than that really rude person and I already handled him. In fact I get more postive feedback than ever. I think I finally understand the Britney Spears Song "Lucky"
in some sense. Obvioualy, I'm not a mega-star but I relate. Watch here.

I'm surrounded by people, but I'm cold and very lonely.

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Monday, November 14, 2011

(to the anonymous hateful commenter, cont'd)

Feel free to continue reading, but my blog is still aimed at that one person who anonymously , venomously attacked my honor for no reason and actually made me cry. My Twitter family is in agreement that you are a jealous jerk and my husband wants to beat you up. But anyway...

Joy cannot be appreciated without understanding and feeling sadness..
nor can contentment really be assessed without pain
Celebrations are so much more festive when something has been overcome , and there is nothing like pride when it outlives humiliation.

My feathers are pretty ruffled now, but let's not forget how sparkly they normally are.

You're just an asshole and there is nothing pretty or sparkly about an anus. Hmmph..

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Superficial Wounds Heal Fast, but Some Still Bleed

This response is to an anyonymous commenter who left one of the meanest comments I have EVER read - and it was unprovoked - but I know who it was, and I also have recieved rambling incoherent emails from same person, unprovoked. I realize this may be TMI for a blog, but this is my blog. Mine. Are you a business looking to hire me? Well if a REAL person with REAL feelings and the need to express them turns you off, then just keep looking. We're not a match. I need this blog.


Writing hateful things from a hateful place can't possibly make you feel better. To the person responsible for the comment nobody but me saw, I hope that it made you feel better.

To drink from that kind of poison may give you instant gratification, but if you have a concience at all, you will have to continue to drink from that up to numb out that voice that resonates in your head or heart that tells you that what you are doing is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Your emails have surprised me, hurt me, and made me realize that what you are dealing with is possibly alcoholism due to the slurring and the misspelled words and the unprovoked rants.

But I forgive you. I thought you were funny and vibrant and I hope that you choose to let that shine through more than your dark side. We all have them, I am no better than the next person.

Just please, please, let me have my blog. Let me write. Let me be happy and try to make others happy. A few people have figured out that my soft heart gets damaged easily, but it's because it's always extended.

I choose to leave my heart on my sleeve anyway. I hope you don't take shots at it , but if you do, I guess that's on you.

I'm not perfect. I'm real, I mess up, I blog about it, I cry every time I watch the little mermaid, and I always pick up heads up pennies, and that heart of mine always bleeds a little when shots get taken. I guess it goes with the territory. That doesn't mean it's fun.

I do forgive you, and I forgive everyone who has and will treat me in a hateful way. I realize this happens to everyone in life, but it doesn't make it right. Hurting is just such a bummer. But at least you got the satisfaction of knowing you hurt me right? Does that make you one of these?


Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Double Edged Sword Pokes A Little

Update: Yes I see spelling and grammar errors. I need to make dinner for my family and cannot edit right now. Therefore, I'll get to it later
who am I kidding, fugg it.

I often am in awe about how much readership this blog actually gets, especially since it was just kind of a way for me to vent things or laugh at things and I share it and you click it and we all have a laugh, and haters be damned, we all have a pretty good time. I don't really worry too much about misspellings or run on sentences here, I just GO , and I feel better later and sometimes you tell me you do too.

Later, I connected to Twitter, and not too much later, here we are today,with a nearly 12 thousand person following and readership coming from Belguim, Turkey, the Netherlands and most recently Singapore. I don't know who the hell is reading from these places but welcome. It's really amusing but rewarding because I have made my mark somewhere in a place I will probably never travel to. So big Dr. Pepper cheers on that, eh?

My personal business has gone kind of crazy and I have the liberty of not working with people who aren't a good fit for me. AKA people who aren't comfortable with the open book that is me. That's the beautiful think about having your own business and being somewhat of a personality in this city - - which is what I have become. I am not a celebrity. I don't read the news, and I've only been on TV to model, I've only had my pictures in magazined next to my writing and my PR team is me. However, through that I have been invited to host and emcee events and I get stopped at Starbucks when the person processing my card sees my name and remarks, "Is this your actual name?" Um yeah, dude, it's on my card. "I follow you on Twitter!! OMG so nice to meet you , you're so funny!" Then the other people in line want to know what the hell is going on and so they get my card too and say they're glad to meet me. It's all very amusing and humbling to me because I'm just me.

There is a downside to this though. There are the days when the days aren't so good and I need to have a vent day. There are days when I feel like someone hurt my feelings and it was undeserved and I want to complain for support and get all the E-hugs I can get and take advantage of my huge online family, but there's some kind of unwritten rule that as a "personality" now, I can't go venting and letting all my less than happy business bleed out. And embarrassingly enough, some of the things I go through aren't tragedies, but I'm such a dramatic girlie girl by nature, that I do tend to panic over things that in comparison to what other people are going through, it seems petty and I would look like an idiot complaining.

The past week has been overwhelmingly stressful for me, personally, and the biggest kicker is that there is really nothing stressful going on in my life. I just feel extreme anxiety, like someone is pushing on my chest and I can't breathe, and I don't sleep at night, and it's just eating me up and the fact that I don't even know why brings me guilt. I should be on top of the world, but lately, I just want to burrow under it - - just until it passes.

I really wish I could vent about what is really going on, as stupid and petty as it is, but the truth is, is that I'm too visible now and I feel like my wings are now pinned. What should I do? Create another anonymous blog? Go to therapy? The very reason I created this is now unavailable to me.

Maybe I'm being a baby, but I have faith it'll pass and I'll be back to normal soon.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Love you guys.

XX Shannon

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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Who IS this kid?

Okay, so I haven't been blogging as much because my business has kind of gone bigger than I thought, which is great, but it's also cutting down on my ME time, and I've also gained a few thousand new twitter followers since I blogged regularly, so I thought I would answer a few questions that I get asked repeatedly along with some random details so you can know me a little better. This isn't one of those survey things you forward, so don't do it because I'm pretty sure copying anything I do would bring you bad luck. Just because I do pretty weird and unpredictable things.

1) Who the hell is this Shannon person?
I'm a regular person, I'm not a celebrity anywhere but in my own head. I have no idea really why I got such a huge Twitter following other than people like to gawk at weirdos from a safe distance. I'm also super friendly, so that could be it too.

2) So what is your buisness then? Why are you always backstage at concerts and emceeing things?
I'm backstage at concerts because some of my clients need me there. Which brings me into the other question in this question - What IS my business exactly? I help build buzz for my clients, I teach them how to use social media, and I also help them build their followings and manage them. Some of my clients are celebrities who are too busy to manage their own accounts - and I do that for them, but only after I get to know them a little bit so I can respond to tweets appropriately. I also tweet for businesses and individuals. How did I start this? It kind of fell in my lap. I also have a ticket supplier as a client, so that helped with the access to things prior to having famous cients. I emcee things because people started noticing my wacky personality on Twitter and asked me to host their event with my crazy wacky personality. I did a good job and I got more invitations after that.

3.) Why are you always making random videos on YouTube? Because I probably have some unhealthy need for attention that stems from something at some point. I think I am funny. I watch my own videos and laugh. Other people like it too, which makes me feel good that I made someone else laugh...and I get a lot of criticism too but it's always from anonymous people, so I don't really care about those ones. I also get compared to Jenna Marbles sometimes and I think that's great because she's really funny - - although I wish she would cuss less, I am a fan.

4) Are you hiring anyone? This would be a perfect job for me. Yes, jacking around online all day and running loose at concerts is pretty fun, but I'm pretty sure all those dreadful years in International Departures at US Airways was torture enough and I deserve an awesome job. Plus I came up with it myself. All I can tell you is, I came up with this out of nothing and there is nothing stopping you from doing the same thing yourself . Make your own connections without being a clingon. It's an art that can't be taught. I'm not hiring, I'm still figuring out what I'm doing. Thank you for your interest.

Things I love:
Dr. Pepper. Chocolate. Dresses. Shoes.Jackets of all colors that look kind of like dresses. Live Music. Shiny things. Midgets are so cute and I realize they are people but I am fascinated with them. Movies. Comedy. Fashion. Books.

Things I do not love:
SPIDERS. waiting in long lines. Black Friday. Being late. Being lost. Pepsi. Rude people. Mean people. Headaches. Fake people. Being cold and wet at the same time. 3D movies (I get so overstimulated). Massages (I think they hurt) , The peopel in the middle of the mall that try to grab you and put lotion on you

Ok! There you go, I hope that clears it all up for you, but if not , ask some more. Love and snuggles and all that other crazy stuff.

I'm really excited this week because Tuesday is Foo Fighters and Friday is the Black and White Gala for the Mint Museum! Big week!! Blog ya later kiddos. !!