This Is Why I'm Hot

This was a blog I wrote a few years ago, on my old blog and I was reminded of it today, so I thought I'd share it with my new friends-- YES, I have always been this weird. It's part of my charm.

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2009

So, recently I was driving down Fairview , overcaffienated as usual, and I keep hitting red lights. There's all these people in their fancy schmancy cars. Is schmancy even a word? Anyways, I am driving the Excursion, AKA the Airbus 380, and the windows are tinted. They're illegally tinted. I am just waiting to get pulled over one day. In which case I will be interested to see if pulling out cleavage actually works. Because I haven't had cleavage in two years. And now I do. Because I eat now. See how that works? Food is medicine. That's what they tell you in therapy. Food is hot. Food is sexy. Food gets me out of a speeding ticket?

Oh, sorry, ADD overload. BOOBS!! ;)

Okay, so here we are driving down Fairview and all these snotbags in their Porsche Cayennes and Lexus Landrovers are surrounding me at lights that are taking way too long. I've had toooo much coffeee and somehow I decide to test the theory that people can feel you staring at them. Hell my windows are SO tinted, it'll be fun.

I start staring this guy down who is on his cell phone in a really nice Lexus. Three seconds into my laser gaze, he looks over. Then looks away. Then looks again, kind of offended. I feel my blood get hot. I feel stupid. Wait he can't see me!! This is fun!! So I stare harder. Evil eyes boring into his soul. He glares at me.

The light changes. He drives off quickly.

Fun!!!

Next light. Lady in an Audi convertible. Whatever. I dont miss my convertible anyway. I'm not jealous. At all. I decide to focus all my not-jealous at her.

I stare at her. She looks over in two seconds. I stick my tongue out. I screw my face up and make monster noises. She can't see me anyway.

She stares straight forward and drives forward immediately when the light changes.

That's what you get for having a convertible when I don't. RUDE!!

Anyway I do this for the 20 minutes it takes to get through the Fairview/Tyvola clogup, and I go to pick up my son at the babysitter. I'm still laughing at myself because I have found a fun way to not hate traffic. Fkk with people in their cars!! YAY!!

I tell her all about it. She says , Shannon I can see through those windows in the daylight.

What?

No you can't. They're tinted look.

Yes I can....look...

I look....

Yeah...you can actually see through enough to see my monster faces, my pig noses, fish faces, etc....

I bet my mom is proud.