Thursday, June 30, 2011


Okay, you know what?  This is a rant.  I'm going to caution you right now that if TMI bothers you, then go away. In fact I just added it to the title, so basically if you're still reading and you have a problem with it, you can suck it.

I'm actually glad I'm documenting this right now because I can't tell if my sudden temper problem is due to "my time of the month" coming next week or if i'm geniunely pissed off. (by the way, there was your TMI, and there's probably more)

Right, and next week is my honeymoon so I'm going to be all bloated and comfy during my honeymoon too. And while I'm already grossing you out can I just point out that my original wax appointment was supposed to be Saturday, but I knew I was gonna be "cycling" by then so I changed it to Wednesday. When my Ass-thetician asked me why I rescheduled, I had a few glasses of wine and some pain killers under my belt in anticipation of pure agony so I had no problem telling her that Aunt Flo was coming to visit and I thought it would be gross to get waxed then.  And do you know what she said?  Of course you don't. That's why I'm going to tell you.  She said that people get waxed anyway while they are on the rag.  Are you EFFING KIDDING ME.  Yeah she said one lady was like "Oh, pardon the kite string?" 

That is effiing unbelievable. And you people think I'm shameless. What ever you're still reading this so you're some kind of closet weirdo. What if I got even grosser? Would you still keep reading this? Of course you would because eveyone is a closet weirdo and it's the closet weirdos (the extra jacked up ones) that have a problem with the out and flaming wierdos like myself.  And when the rest of the world embraces my weird, there will be commenters telling me I'm fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, cuss words, et cetera because there are always haters. That's fine.  We're all weirdos. That's why damn reality TV rocked everyone's face off and is here to stay.  So let your freak flag fly if you're not hurting anyone or breaking the law.  That's what I say. It's hard not to judge, but why go out of your way to be a jerk?  That's mean. Don't be a hater.

Just know that being a hater makes you an asshole.  Unless you are hating on assholes.  Then you're ok. And also, one way to know that you're kind of awesome is when you start to collect haters.  So it's really double edged.  That's my lesson to you on hating. 

Glad we covered that.

I actually feel kind of better now.   I'm not even going to say what set me off, except that I lost my mind, dropped an F bomb, yanked the router out of the wall so the kids would have nothing to do but kill each other, whatever, I dont care, and came in here to blog til I stopped being pissed off. And then I realized I didn't know how to put the MF router together or what the password was.  Meanwhile, the kids are scared to death suddenly taking trashes out , there is no fighting, one is encouraging alcohol consumption , another is telling me how pretty I am and another one came up with a list of rules in the house that included quiet time for an hour.  HELLS YEAH!! See, they KNOW.  Is it really necessary for me to lose my freaking shizz over seemingly small stuff for this to happen? I guess so. 

For example, I took them all to Smoothie King.  Smoothie King is yummy but sort of expensive.. When I had to work at United States Air , less my insurance and taxes and other deductions it would have taken me about four hours to earn enough money to buy 5 smoothies.  4 hours of passengers telling me to go to hell, throwing bags at me, expecting me to create nonexistent seats, explaining god-awful policies that I didnt agree with but had to enforce, and coworkers that I wanted to choke out because they were so embarrassingly ghetto.  Four hours of stupid sh*t like, "Hey I need to sit in the exit row, because I have bad knees" or "Hey, I can't sit in the middle cuz I'm claustrophobic" or basically working a whole flight by myself because my derelict coworker still can't figure out how to switch someone's seat.  So of course I am a little irritated when the kids don't even thank me for their damn smoothies until I go on this hostile rant about how much I used to get paid an hour and how many hours it cost to buy the smoothies for you ungrateful people.  They don't get that.  They think I'm a nut at this point.  Because my two are too young to understand the concept of working and the cost of things and his two have been wealthy their whole lives. And kids just don't ever  understand until they are paying their own way.  So whatever . That really did nothing but made me look crazy.

So when we got home, all it took was one rogue comment and I ended up throwing a drink into the sink, splashing kool aid or whatever everywhere, dropping an F bomb and sending kids running for cover.

Obviously I fixed the router, but I had to slam the door and pray to the baby jesus and calgon and try my hardest not to slam wine or have a valium.  I took the whole thing apart and then realized I needed to put it back in the wall and the password is on the sticker.  So yeah, it wasn't that hard, I was just being insane.

So now they're probably polishing the floor and no one is fighting and the middle one is telling me that I'm good enough and smart enough and they love me and asking if I need anytihng , and are you sure you don't want a glass of wine? And  then a present came in the mail.  It was this beautiful BIG picture folio sent by my wedding photographers/paparazzi thanking me for my business. My husband and I look fabulous and I realized that in that photograph I was so happy. 

Just looking at the photographs rekindled my butterflies and made me realize that yes, a blended family is crazy.  Yes, it's hard to deal with kids fighting and their boredom and always coming last when it comes to needs being met but it is worth it.  It is so totally worth it.  I just needed to see the big picture....and when I can't, it's nice to have one mailed and delivered exactly when I need it.  LOL....

Sometimes, I just need a holy shit minute to breathe and get it all out.  Maybe next time I won't throw a smoothie or say the F word, but it's really not worse than what they see on TV or at school.  SOOOO, I'd say that because the house is all clean and shiny, and because I feel better, I guess the message got through and maybe there won't be a next time.  Unless it's because my hormones are f*cking with me.  In that case, I'll meet you here in about 28 days and I'll give you another insane rant about pretty much nothing

All the way to the moon!!!! - S


Livin' The Dream....

So, some people think it's lazy that I online grocery shop.  I beg to differ, because do you know that it takes me two hours to finish a grocery list between identifying the difference between someone laughing at a joke or laughing at someone's expense. Someone's inevitably going to come downstairs crying and I'm going to have to be a referee.  Then respective doors will slam and it will be quiet for a few more minutes.  Then one of my younger ones will knock on the door of the older one to ask if they are ok. They'll ignore them. The little ones keep knocking.  They suck at "boundaries"  So then the older ones start yelling at the younger ones.  Now the younger ones are crying.  Meanwhile, another one is playing with some kind of electronic toy repeatedly and I can't even remember why I'm addressing the kids again. Oh, yeah, that's right, can we drop it down a notch? kthx.

Anyways, now my grocery cart has timed out and I have to start over and restart my computer becaues the battery is a piece of crap and needs replacing but I don't have time to go to office depot. 

Of course, to the naked eye, it looks like Im just sitting here jacking around on my computer all day while I let the house collapse around me. 

Just a tiny glimpse of what it's like to have a blended family of all ages.  It's hard. It doesnt' suck but multitasking when you're already ADD is kind of a BWORD.

Anyway, I'll add a video in a sec for your viewing pleasure. Can you imagine bringing all this to the grocery store?  I doubt that.


Yes I know I look like crap without makeup on.  No I don't care. 

Love to the Moon.

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Whatcha upto, Shannon?

Oh, hi!! I'm so glad you asked.  Well, let me just tell you.  I know some of you would laugh at me and call me lazy, but I do a lot and I do everything.  I have ADHD, although I was never medicated at a young age because my mom , who was and is a teacher, felt it was overdiagnosed and that I am merely impulsive and idiotic.  Gotta love mom, she may be right, but the medication helps.  I take this awesome stuff called Vyvanse now, which is like Adderall minus the crazy.  I feel lke myself, but focused.  On Adderall, I felt high, and GREAT, but the crash was kind of, well, horrible.  So, it wasn't worth taking anymore. 

Oh, wait don't think this blog is about drugs, cuz it's totally not. Hopefully.  I mean, I don't do them. Not street drugs anyway, but I do have pharmies with legal prescriptions.  While I was planning my wedding, I took valium twice a day towards the end.  And not because I wanted to. It was because I was using my therapy stress tolerance skills so much that I was internalizing and ended up with impetigo the week before.  Not good to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on a wedding you've been anticipating your whole life only to have scabs wrecking your porcelain skin therefore making said scabs immortalized in the wedding photographs for the rest of my life. I didn't just have wedding photographers.  I had freaking paparazzi.  Ask my friend Dan.  He said they chased me around like Jennifer Aniston's unborn baby.   I laughed so hard at that I literally almost peed my pants.  I had to gently set down my laptop and like, run to the potty. Because that's how funny I found it.

It was true though. 

I didn't have photographers, I did have paparazzi.  I had like twelve of them.  I'm sure I looked like a diva.  Funny thing is though, I'm the opposite of that.  It was actually a photography school, and I allowed a team of students/interns.  How often do they get the opportunity to photograph a wedding? How else would they build their portfolios?  Do you think a great sales technique is "Yeah I'll give you a good deal, this is my first wedding that I've ever shot now you just write that $1500 check to....."  I'm pretty sure most control freak brides wouldn't be down with that.

As a photographer myself (one of my many hats!) I realized this would be a great opportunity for them and me.  I know that if I have twelve photgraphers and at least an instructor, and they were all aiming the right way, we'd get at least a few good ones.   I even let them valet their cars and I also catered their dinner.  They gave me an awesome deal and I gave them opportunity to learn.  Plus, I was a student at that school and I adore them all.

See, so everyone walked away a winner and appearances aren't everything now, are they?  From Diva to Sweet Shannon in about 30 seconds.

So, right now, there is chaos going on in my house.  My beautiful husband and I have four children, two from previous marriages on each side.  They are all playing with our dog. He's a giant Rhodesian Ridgeback, but he thinks he's a freaking puppy.  He's not a puppy.  He's more like a giant horse.

He also eats socks. None of us ever have any socks because he eats then and then when he goes to Doggie Daycare he craps them out and they all have a laugh.  We try really hard to keep him out of the socks, but it's really really hard.  One time he ate a teddy bear and he needed surgery.  The vet post surgery presented the family with the teddy bear still mostly in tact.  That's pretty impressive.  So to say that we need to keep the dog away from things, would mean that he needs to be kept in a blank room.  He can't stay outside because he's been an indoor dog his whole life and is social by nature.  Anyway every now and again I'll post what Kito crapped out today.  The staff at the doggie daycare once handed me a bag with a crapped on $20 dollar bill. As if I would want that back.  I dont care how broke I am I don't play in poop. 

You guys can just keep that.

Anyway, well can't tell where this blog is going as of yet, but I may, as a treat for you, dig out some of my favorite airline stories and post them.  They're too great to just die alone, but I can't resurrect the whole blog because that's just not me anymore. 

This is Kito.  He's mentally retarded. But we love him. No really, he has a part of his brain missing, presumably, the one that controls impulses.  He eats socks, secretly, and craps them out to the amusement of his dogsitters. He has also crapped out part of a diet coke can , some dice, $20, a teddy bear, a barbie head, and a keychain.  Don't go on some kinda PETA rant because if we didnt' care about him we wouldnt put up with his nonsense.  He does this in secret and he knows how to open doors with his nose and fridge.  And don't tell me to babyproof stuff because, really, he's gonna find a way.  He would eat the TV if he could.  But he does not eat shoes.  If he did, I'd murder him. 

Love you all the way to the Moon!!!

Shannon (Or, SNN, which is the airport code for SHANNON, IRELAND!) 

Welcome to my world (mu ha ha ha!)

Okay, so I'm no newbie at blogging.  In fact, this is my first post here, but I have blog ancestry that reaches back to the days when I had to clock in at a major airline and take abuse off passenges with this crazy sense of entitlement. I was actually pretty good at it.  I mocked said airline , ended up in an office a few times over it but never once got caught because I said I worked "at Wendy's" .  All during that time I was going through a nasty divorce and an equally nasty eating disorder complete with therapy. I chronicled that crazy/sad time in my life, and even got a book deal because of it.   (Halted production on said book because I didn't want my children or other women reading/learning ways to participate in destructive behavior) I have had a blog , in one form or another, since way before Facebook existed and I used AOL on a 14400bps modem.

Let's just all agree that I have a way with words.  Words have helped me through hard times, helped me share happy times, and carried me through times when there is just damn nothing else to do.  (Because the clock just draaaaaags on when you have nothing to do , doesn't it?)   In fact, my most assanine blogging comes from when I find myself bored.  My maturity level drops to about a third grade. A third grader who will laugh at anything and is technologically savvy. 

Once upon a time, I thought my life was over, I thought it wasn't worth living, and I literally gave up.  I attempted suicide twice. I read once somewhere that character is like a photograph;it needs dark times to develop.  I'm not trying to get mushy on you, but once upon a time, I was the same person I am  now with a very heavy heart and some baggage, and that blog made me a mini-celebrity within the airline world, and potentially could have given me financial freedom.

That blog never was published in print and is now closed for viewing. The blog you are reading now is about my new life, how it's turned around and how the same silly girl you all knew before is still there.  Writing is addictive, because it cleanses your soul.  Blogging can get the writing out of your system but it's hard to not become addicted to the feedback, to become a peacock, or performer of sorts and then suddenly, it's hard to tell if the writing is for you or for them.

This writing is for me, but I hope you get a laugh or something out of it.  I'm aware that my antics are somewhat immature, but I know first hand life is too short to let the struggles take you all the way down.  Take your day, make a story out of it, and change the ending tomorrow if you didn't like today.

However you got here, thank you for reading....and if you have mean comments, and you feel the need to post them, just know that you are making yourself look like an asshole and it doesn't bother me. I have a beautiful life now, I never worry about money, or a job, or about the approval of others...I married the love of my life and I am living proof there are second, third, as many chances as you're willing to long as you're willing to take them.  Don't get me wrong, though.  This blog will get pretty silly. I'm sure of it, and I will once again reign as people pass links cubicle to cubicle.  Cuz this is what I rock at. Love you to the moon!

That is all for now....check back often!!