Oh WTF. (TMI ALERT)

Okay, you know what?  This is a rant.  I'm going to caution you right now that if TMI bothers you, then go away. In fact I just added it to the title, so basically if you're still reading and you have a problem with it, you can suck it.

I'm actually glad I'm documenting this right now because I can't tell if my sudden temper problem is due to "my time of the month" coming next week or if i'm geniunely pissed off. (by the way, there was your TMI, and there's probably more)

Right, and next week is my honeymoon so I'm going to be all bloated and comfy during my honeymoon too. And while I'm already grossing you out can I just point out that my original wax appointment was supposed to be Saturday, but I knew I was gonna be "cycling" by then so I changed it to Wednesday. When my Ass-thetician asked me why I rescheduled, I had a few glasses of wine and some pain killers under my belt in anticipation of pure agony so I had no problem telling her that Aunt Flo was coming to visit and I thought it would be gross to get waxed then.  And do you know what she said?  Of course you don't. That's why I'm going to tell you.  She said that people get waxed anyway while they are on the rag.  Are you EFFING KIDDING ME.  Yeah she said one lady was like "Oh, pardon the kite string?" 

That is effiing unbelievable. And you people think I'm shameless. What ever you're still reading this so you're some kind of closet weirdo. What if I got even grosser? Would you still keep reading this? Of course you would because eveyone is a closet weirdo and it's the closet weirdos (the extra jacked up ones) that have a problem with the out and flaming wierdos like myself.  And when the rest of the world embraces my weird, there will be commenters telling me I'm fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, cuss words, et cetera because there are always haters. That's fine.  We're all weirdos. That's why damn reality TV rocked everyone's face off and is here to stay.  So let your freak flag fly if you're not hurting anyone or breaking the law.  That's what I say. It's hard not to judge, but why go out of your way to be a jerk?  That's mean. Don't be a hater.

Just know that being a hater makes you an asshole.  Unless you are hating on assholes.  Then you're ok. And also, one way to know that you're kind of awesome is when you start to collect haters.  So it's really double edged.  That's my lesson to you on hating. 

Glad we covered that.

I actually feel kind of better now.   I'm not even going to say what set me off, except that I lost my mind, dropped an F bomb, yanked the router out of the wall so the kids would have nothing to do but kill each other, whatever, I dont care, and came in here to blog til I stopped being pissed off. And then I realized I didn't know how to put the MF router together or what the password was.  Meanwhile, the kids are scared to death suddenly taking trashes out , there is no fighting, one is encouraging alcohol consumption , another is telling me how pretty I am and another one came up with a list of rules in the house that included quiet time for an hour.  HELLS YEAH!! See, they KNOW.  Is it really necessary for me to lose my freaking shizz over seemingly small stuff for this to happen? I guess so. 

For example, I took them all to Smoothie King.  Smoothie King is yummy but sort of expensive.. When I had to work at United States Air , less my insurance and taxes and other deductions it would have taken me about four hours to earn enough money to buy 5 smoothies.  4 hours of passengers telling me to go to hell, throwing bags at me, expecting me to create nonexistent seats, explaining god-awful policies that I didnt agree with but had to enforce, and coworkers that I wanted to choke out because they were so embarrassingly ghetto.  Four hours of stupid sh*t like, "Hey I need to sit in the exit row, because I have bad knees" or "Hey, I can't sit in the middle cuz I'm claustrophobic" or basically working a whole flight by myself because my derelict coworker still can't figure out how to switch someone's seat.  So of course I am a little irritated when the kids don't even thank me for their damn smoothies until I go on this hostile rant about how much I used to get paid an hour and how many hours it cost to buy the smoothies for you ungrateful people.  They don't get that.  They think I'm a nut at this point.  Because my two are too young to understand the concept of working and the cost of things and his two have been wealthy their whole lives. And kids just don't ever  understand until they are paying their own way.  So whatever . That really did nothing but made me look crazy.

So when we got home, all it took was one rogue comment and I ended up throwing a drink into the sink, splashing kool aid or whatever everywhere, dropping an F bomb and sending kids running for cover.

Obviously I fixed the router, but I had to slam the door and pray to the baby jesus and calgon and try my hardest not to slam wine or have a valium.  I took the whole thing apart and then realized I needed to put it back in the wall and the password is on the sticker.  So yeah, it wasn't that hard, I was just being insane.

So now they're probably polishing the floor and no one is fighting and the middle one is telling me that I'm good enough and smart enough and they love me and asking if I need anytihng , and are you sure you don't want a glass of wine? And  then a present came in the mail.  It was this beautiful BIG picture folio sent by my wedding photographers/paparazzi thanking me for my business. My husband and I look fabulous and I realized that in that photograph I was so happy. 

Just looking at the photographs rekindled my butterflies and made me realize that yes, a blended family is crazy.  Yes, it's hard to deal with kids fighting and their boredom and always coming last when it comes to needs being met but it is worth it.  It is so totally worth it.  I just needed to see the big picture....and when I can't, it's nice to have one mailed and delivered exactly when I need it.  LOL....

Sometimes, I just need a holy shit minute to breathe and get it all out.  Maybe next time I won't throw a smoothie or say the F word, but it's really not worse than what they see on TV or at school.  SOOOO, I'd say that because the house is all clean and shiny, and because I feel better, I guess the message got through and maybe there won't be a next time.  Unless it's because my hormones are f*cking with me.  In that case, I'll meet you here in about 28 days and I'll give you another insane rant about pretty much nothing

All the way to the moon!!!! - S