Saturday, September 15, 2012

Oh, I Feel You, Panda Bear..WOW

I'm not a really big REPOSTer because I like my material to be original, pure, crazy 100% Shannonified, but sometimes I really relate to the poor panda bear on the bottom here. I promise you will laugh...

Cant talk long fishies, I'm packing packing packing getting ready for the next chapter!! LOVE YOU!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Hey now, HEY NOW! Don't Dream It's Over

OH MY!! It has been a hot minute hasn't it?

I dont even know what that means...but I felt like writing that. I also have always wanted to yell "F YOUR COUCH!" -- it was a line in some movie I probably never saw - - but for some reason that stuck.

Welcome back to my blog!

I have been super super busy, and also , when I'm not busy, I go through periods of just lazy, so it's not really conducive to blog writing. However, now that the democratic convention is over, and I'm not traveling as much for my rock stars, I kind of have time to sit here with my coffee and reflect over all the ridiculous things that happen and tell you all about them.

It's not like I have forgotten you though. Sometimes I'm like DAMN that's a good blog, but then I'm like, whatever, I can't post this, this is the kind of crap that goes in my book. Can't give away everything for free you know. And then I don't ever do anything about it and I forget. I tell my agent on deck that I am still pregnant with my story and I am not ready to give birth to it yet. But I'm pretty sure I'm just sitting on GO, having a cocktail and calling it "waiting for opportunity" instead of the "failure to launch" that it really is.

I get a lot of questions about the mutt.

Kito has not kicked the bucket yet but he has had another surgery since the last time. Because, as I said before, he is a repeat offender. But we'll never get rid of him. I lovehatelove him. And he's awesome at cleaning crumbs off the floor and scaring the crap out of door to door salesmen and possible robbers.

I also have a really big meeting coming up that will probably bring me lots of clients in the twitter managing world so I need to whore out my blog more often and get that Klout score back up. Yep, you just helped with that by reading this. You're the bestest. Cant do it without your rubbernecking.

Am I still an incorrigible dork? Absolutely!

So, I will be accountable to you, my fishies. I promise to blog at least once a week. And it will be immature. And it will be inappropriate and it will be caffiene fueled and awesome. Or it might suck. Could really go either way.

I know there are some people chuckling and counting the f*cks they do not give about what my deluded mind has to offer here on these crazy pages...and I will politely remind these people that while they are reading my blog and being all haterish, that I am counting the f you just gave in my pageviews. I appreciate this F you are giving, but I'm wondering if you have it in pink? Great, we should totes do this tomorrow.

Love, love, love, LOVE you!

This Is Why I'm Hot

This was a blog I wrote a few years ago, on my old blog and I was reminded of it today, so I thought I'd share it with my new friends-- YES, I have always been this weird. It's part of my charm.



So, recently I was driving down Fairview , overcaffienated as usual, and I keep hitting red lights. There's all these people in their fancy schmancy cars. Is schmancy even a word? Anyways, I am driving the Excursion, AKA the Airbus 380, and the windows are tinted. They're illegally tinted. I am just waiting to get pulled over one day. In which case I will be interested to see if pulling out cleavage actually works. Because I haven't had cleavage in two years. And now I do. Because I eat now. See how that works? Food is medicine. That's what they tell you in therapy. Food is hot. Food is sexy. Food gets me out of a speeding ticket?

Oh, sorry, ADD overload. BOOBS!! ;)

Okay, so here we are driving down Fairview and all these snotbags in their Porsche Cayennes and Lexus Landrovers are surrounding me at lights that are taking way too long. I've had toooo much coffeee and somehow I decide to test the theory that people can feel you staring at them. Hell my windows are SO tinted, it'll be fun.

I start staring this guy down who is on his cell phone in a really nice Lexus. Three seconds into my laser gaze, he looks over. Then looks away. Then looks again, kind of offended. I feel my blood get hot. I feel stupid. Wait he can't see me!! This is fun!! So I stare harder. Evil eyes boring into his soul. He glares at me.

The light changes. He drives off quickly.


Next light. Lady in an Audi convertible. Whatever. I dont miss my convertible anyway. I'm not jealous. At all. I decide to focus all my not-jealous at her.

I stare at her. She looks over in two seconds. I stick my tongue out. I screw my face up and make monster noises. She can't see me anyway.

She stares straight forward and drives forward immediately when the light changes.

That's what you get for having a convertible when I don't. RUDE!!

Anyway I do this for the 20 minutes it takes to get through the Fairview/Tyvola clogup, and I go to pick up my son at the babysitter. I'm still laughing at myself because I have found a fun way to not hate traffic. Fkk with people in their cars!! YAY!!

I tell her all about it. She says , Shannon I can see through those windows in the daylight.


No you can't. They're tinted look.

Yes I can....look...

I look.... can actually see through enough to see my monster faces, my pig noses, fish faces, etc....

I bet my mom is proud.