Blowup Animals, Glitter and Projectile Condoms...Why Not?

did a disco ball the size of the moon blow up in here???

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Allrighty, bet you're waiting to see how I explain that one, right? I can actually do that with one word, Ke$ha.

First of all I would like to point out that it is a pain in the ass to type a dollar sign instead of an S because of all the shifting and pressing a number key involved so from this point forward I am going to call her Dumpster Barbie Kesha with an S instead of a dollar sign. Granted, that paragraph made me go completely out of my way anyway, but it was a lot more fun and brought it back to being all about me.

So, last minute, my stepdaughter and I decided to go to the show because she's a huge fan and because my Ticket Ninja, Shawn O'Donnell from EventWitness.com had some very special tickets with my name on them. When Kesha came to town the last two times, Kendall didn't even ask to go because she knew we wouldn't let her. I maintained that Kesha was disgusting and raunchy and I don't want my pristine children's ears being tainted. So David was like, why are you suddenly changing your tune? Of course I blurt "Because I'm taking her to Nicki Minaj and she's actually worse." OOPS. I swear, I really need to see about getting a filter installed. I really do because those are the things I would edit out and rephrase. I had enough foresight to avoid pointing out "Because we already went to Lady GaGa" and we all know what a hot tranny mess that was.

I think the safest argument would have been "Because she already knows all the words to all her songs so how are we damaging her worse? I mean, we could try better parenting all the way around as another way to guard her ears, but if that's the case she should get one last hurrah, right? " And then I would edit out "And we also get to go to Britney and Nicki Minaj because we already have the tickets, and we can't go around being wasteful because there are starving kids in Africa who don't have Britney Tickets."

And then David would say "What does Africa have to do with Britney Tickets?"

And then I'd have some witty response to that like "Well if I was starving I would eat a ticket." but that's silly because if I had some more time to think, I would remember that wood, pulp, and pulp products are made almost entirely of a polysaccharide called cellulose, which our human bodies can't digest, and the protein lignin. Lignin would produce amino acids or something and that's not of any nutritional value either. So therefore, that is a stupid statement.

Do you see how smart I am there in hindsight? Unfortunately, my after-smarts are about as useful as a condom machine in the Vatican. That's the ADD stepping up and making me awesome. It's like that insult you came up with after the kids stopped pointing and laughing and found someone else to slam in a locker.

So whatever, we went and I'm a hypocrite for taking her after trying to talk the talk of good parenting.

Let me just tell you that that show was awesome. LMFAO came out. As in the band, not laughing mine off. They were great. They had blowup zoo animals they threw into the crowd to bounce around, confetti cannons, and they ran around like a bunch of ADHD monkeys that found the Mountain Dew and Pixy Stix. But in a good way.

Kesha was fun too, and she opened glitter fire on the crowd so often, ground looked like it snowed tranny magic all over. She reminded me of Britney, but like, if Britney rolled around in the dirt and was more vocal about being skanky. Don't get me wrong, I have a soft spot for Brit Brit. But Britney is batshit crazy and Kesha is "freaking cool" crazy.
Kesha had very entertaining backup dancers, especially for some song where she told the guy to grow a pair, and she pulled up a fan from the stage and they duct taped him to the chair and there was an actual Pear running around the stage fruit of the loom style and then there was another costume I dont want to talk about because David might read this and ground me from concerts. I'm really sorry. I didn't know that was going to happen.

Yeah.

The cannons also fired condoms and Kesha dollars. We really had a good time. Kendall's pretty mature about that stuff, she just ignored it. Good girl.

I have to admit that I got excited and put swarovski sparkles on my face and donned glitter and feathers in celebration of this awesome show. I mean, what girl doesn't like to be shiny?

So, the show was awesome, we met LMFAO afterward, and then we went to McDonald's to get food because that's all that was open. Some guy approached our window and said that he and his grandma were stranded at the gas station, and they needed some change. I felt bad so I gave him some and told Kendall that hopefully they will pay it forward and that was my good deed for the day.

We were STARVING!! When we pulled up to the window we were told we didn't have to pay for our food because the guy in the truck in front of us had already paid. What? Really? Why??? He didn't say, he just paid.

Now I know how this works in a bar. The dude buys you a drink and then winks at you and you say thanks and he kind of expects some conversation. How does this work in the car ? With your teenage daughter? In a sketch area, at midnight thirty? Is he gonna pull over and wait for us to leave the drive through? Should we wave? Roll down the window and communicate? What if he's a creeper!! So much pressure!

Actually, turns out I am a paranoid A-hole, the guy just drove off and was nice for the sake of being nice!!

So next time someone asks you for help and they look homeless or something you should just not judge them and be a sweetie like me and give them money because that random act of kindness paid off in less than two minutes. Random Act of Kindness. Pay it forward. Repeat.

Last night was a total score!!! And getting free nuggs at McD's was a great way to end it!! AWESOME!!!

Here is us with that dude from LMFAO. I'm going to be honest, I did not realize this was the band that does "Party Rock Anthem". I do know their song SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS because I got hammered to it at my birthday bash last year. I also know that song "Get Crazy Get Loud" because it was on that Tap Tap Revenge game on my iTouch which was the first app I ever downloaded. I cannot be the only one that knows this.

And here is the link to my YouTube Channel where you can witness Tik Tok complete with glitter bombing.


Have a happy day, fishies!! <3

Oh, What a Night...

Ok people, if you missed Maroon 5 and Train you completely missed out. Even if you don't like their music, they can put on a hell of a show.

I was T minusing this concert all last week, so when party-in-a-car showed up in front of our house I was about to detonate with joy.

David and I went with our good friends Shawn and Tami, who run Eventwitness.com, and Breezekat from the Ace n TJ show with his girlfriend Liz. As soon as we got into the car , we were enjoying cocktails and planning our next big night out. We also talked about Planking and Breezekat was kind enough to share all of his pictures of himself planking all over the KISS 95.1 office. So funny how 24hours prior I had no idea what this planking was. It's so stupid it's funny.

Anyways, I am like a child. I always have to have something to look forward to, and once my target is on lock, I have tunnel vision and 7 days out I begin T Minus. I'm such a nerd that I will count down the days until T Minus starts.

Gavin DeGraw was the opening act. I am sure I've heard his name kicked around, and probably hummed along to something on the radio, but the only time I got a glimpse of Gavin's performance was when Tami and I ran down to check out our seat location. Basically if we wanted to plank from our chair to the stage, we could. Suffice to say the seats were very, very close and I felt very cocky as we passed all the people who were unlucky enough not to be us. It's like turning left to go to your seat instead of right on an airplane. You kind of feel like a big deal. Well, I do anyway.

Speaking of planking, check this out:

Oh, yes I did. We tried to get Breezekat to do it, but girls kept asking him to take their picture and he needed to spread the word about the new Ace N TJ app. He's really committed to his cause.

So, Tami and Liz only had to egg me on a little and I decided that since I was ridiculing planking , and having already checked the "knocking" off the list, I decided to go ahead and cross out the "trying" box too.

So, there I am, planking in the VIP Lounge at the Maroon 5 show.
I must admit, it does take some core strength to stay balanced and perfectly straight. I also noted that the pictures of people actually looking at the camera weren't very funny so I had to maintain the facedown position which was also hard because I didn't want my nose to touch that germy table.

The best part of my plank attempt was that right as I climbed down from the table, the Live Nation rep I always work with was walking by. I am on the fence about whether that embarrasses me or not because he knows me professionally and personally. Professionally, I do a very good job promoting them. He also knows that I am a complete and utter goofball with no stop sign between my brain and my mouth. (or my typing fingers)

I expected him to burst out laughing, or make me delete the photo. Neither happened, he was so absorbed in his work that he didn't even notice the deadish person on the red bull table. The nerve. Ha!!!

Once he caught me lurking outside the Blue October bus like a lame groupie. He pointed and laughed like that kid on the Simpsons. I was pretty embarrassed because that was the first time he caught me acting silly in public,usually it's just my wacky status updates. He actually asked me when we got there if he was going to have to forcibly remove me from the stage because he knows I love Adam. (I behaved)

Adam was fabulous, but he kind of danced around a little girlier than I remembered from last time. I think I'm over him. Either that or my man is so manly, he makes Adam Levine look one box of hair dye and some black nail polish away from looking like that Emo kid down the street. He already has the skinny jeans. I don't think he has moves like Jaggar. And what the hell, I thought he and Christina Aguilera hated each other? Why are they singing together? That's disappointing, I love drama that doesn't involve me.

Also, bonus, Breezekat introduced me to my favorite blogger, Brittney Cason. Well, kind of. We were talking about the future of a radio station he may or may not work/have worked for and I said that I thought she was funny and the type of person I wanted to be friends with. So he grabs the blackberry and dials her up on the spot and hands me the phone. Kind of awkward, and I was already 3 drinks into the game. That's a lot for me. She was very gracious and sweet though. I hate when my kids hand me the phone randomly and say "here, talk to my friend's mom..." whom I've never met and didn't know a sleepover was planned ...so I imagine it was kind of like that.

Honestly though, who wouldn't want to be friends with someone who found a 6 year old wandering around uptown and wanted to take care of him? There's her blog, I'm sure if you aren't already a fan, you will be.

The concert was uh-mazing. I took videos, but I always turn the camera around and point it at myself singing and it always pisses me off the next day because I just wanna watch the performer. I am a really annoying filmer, with a really bad "ME TOO!" complex. It happens every freaking time. So I'm not going to post it.

Well, my son was packing my suitcase since I promised the kids a beach trip but now he's unpacking it because he watched too much shark week and thinks we should hang out at the pool and on the sand instead. NOT in the ocean.

Oh, I almost forgot, I am going to be contributing and have assignments, (meaning more than one!) in Charlotte Style Magazine! I'm so thrilled to be able to keep doing what I love. I love my silly blog and I love writing professionally too! It's been a great week and I feel kind of awesome.


I have things to do, so I better get going, but love you fishes!!

UPDATE: Tami just posted to my facebook wall this message:
I just wanted to remind you that you ate chili in a limo last night...bahahaha


I completely forgot about that. After the show, we made the limo driver order ten cheeseburgers and I had to be the diva and get chili. With cheese and french fries to dip in it. Yep, sounds about right. I just laughed so hard I choked on the ice I was chomping on. I wonder what other dork stuff I pulled that I forgot about. Hmmm...

Oh, yeah, there was swindling a backstage pass and pretending it was mine the whole time. Pretty slick.

I bet my mom is so proud. Allright fishes, I'm really late now so talk soon, kay?

Muchos besos!