Thursday, August 11, 2011

Blowup Animals, Glitter and Projectile Condoms...Why Not?

did a disco ball the size of the moon blow up in here???


Allrighty, bet you're waiting to see how I explain that one, right? I can actually do that with one word, Ke$ha.

First of all I would like to point out that it is a pain in the ass to type a dollar sign instead of an S because of all the shifting and pressing a number key involved so from this point forward I am going to call her Dumpster Barbie Kesha with an S instead of a dollar sign. Granted, that paragraph made me go completely out of my way anyway, but it was a lot more fun and brought it back to being all about me.

So, last minute, my stepdaughter and I decided to go to the show because she's a huge fan and because my Ticket Ninja, Shawn O'Donnell from had some very special tickets with my name on them. When Kesha came to town the last two times, Kendall didn't even ask to go because she knew we wouldn't let her. I maintained that Kesha was disgusting and raunchy and I don't want my pristine children's ears being tainted. So David was like, why are you suddenly changing your tune? Of course I blurt "Because I'm taking her to Nicki Minaj and she's actually worse." OOPS. I swear, I really need to see about getting a filter installed. I really do because those are the things I would edit out and rephrase. I had enough foresight to avoid pointing out "Because we already went to Lady GaGa" and we all know what a hot tranny mess that was.

I think the safest argument would have been "Because she already knows all the words to all her songs so how are we damaging her worse? I mean, we could try better parenting all the way around as another way to guard her ears, but if that's the case she should get one last hurrah, right? " And then I would edit out "And we also get to go to Britney and Nicki Minaj because we already have the tickets, and we can't go around being wasteful because there are starving kids in Africa who don't have Britney Tickets."

And then David would say "What does Africa have to do with Britney Tickets?"

And then I'd have some witty response to that like "Well if I was starving I would eat a ticket." but that's silly because if I had some more time to think, I would remember that wood, pulp, and pulp products are made almost entirely of a polysaccharide called cellulose, which our human bodies can't digest, and the protein lignin. Lignin would produce amino acids or something and that's not of any nutritional value either. So therefore, that is a stupid statement.

Do you see how smart I am there in hindsight? Unfortunately, my after-smarts are about as useful as a condom machine in the Vatican. That's the ADD stepping up and making me awesome. It's like that insult you came up with after the kids stopped pointing and laughing and found someone else to slam in a locker.

So whatever, we went and I'm a hypocrite for taking her after trying to talk the talk of good parenting.

Let me just tell you that that show was awesome. LMFAO came out. As in the band, not laughing mine off. They were great. They had blowup zoo animals they threw into the crowd to bounce around, confetti cannons, and they ran around like a bunch of ADHD monkeys that found the Mountain Dew and Pixy Stix. But in a good way.

Kesha was fun too, and she opened glitter fire on the crowd so often, ground looked like it snowed tranny magic all over. She reminded me of Britney, but like, if Britney rolled around in the dirt and was more vocal about being skanky. Don't get me wrong, I have a soft spot for Brit Brit. But Britney is batshit crazy and Kesha is "freaking cool" crazy.
Kesha had very entertaining backup dancers, especially for some song where she told the guy to grow a pair, and she pulled up a fan from the stage and they duct taped him to the chair and there was an actual Pear running around the stage fruit of the loom style and then there was another costume I dont want to talk about because David might read this and ground me from concerts. I'm really sorry. I didn't know that was going to happen.


The cannons also fired condoms and Kesha dollars. We really had a good time. Kendall's pretty mature about that stuff, she just ignored it. Good girl.

I have to admit that I got excited and put swarovski sparkles on my face and donned glitter and feathers in celebration of this awesome show. I mean, what girl doesn't like to be shiny?

So, the show was awesome, we met LMFAO afterward, and then we went to McDonald's to get food because that's all that was open. Some guy approached our window and said that he and his grandma were stranded at the gas station, and they needed some change. I felt bad so I gave him some and told Kendall that hopefully they will pay it forward and that was my good deed for the day.

We were STARVING!! When we pulled up to the window we were told we didn't have to pay for our food because the guy in the truck in front of us had already paid. What? Really? Why??? He didn't say, he just paid.

Now I know how this works in a bar. The dude buys you a drink and then winks at you and you say thanks and he kind of expects some conversation. How does this work in the car ? With your teenage daughter? In a sketch area, at midnight thirty? Is he gonna pull over and wait for us to leave the drive through? Should we wave? Roll down the window and communicate? What if he's a creeper!! So much pressure!

Actually, turns out I am a paranoid A-hole, the guy just drove off and was nice for the sake of being nice!!

So next time someone asks you for help and they look homeless or something you should just not judge them and be a sweetie like me and give them money because that random act of kindness paid off in less than two minutes. Random Act of Kindness. Pay it forward. Repeat.

Last night was a total score!!! And getting free nuggs at McD's was a great way to end it!! AWESOME!!!

Here is us with that dude from LMFAO. I'm going to be honest, I did not realize this was the band that does "Party Rock Anthem". I do know their song SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS because I got hammered to it at my birthday bash last year. I also know that song "Get Crazy Get Loud" because it was on that Tap Tap Revenge game on my iTouch which was the first app I ever downloaded. I cannot be the only one that knows this.

And here is the link to my YouTube Channel where you can witness Tik Tok complete with glitter bombing.

Have a happy day, fishies!! <3



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I fixed the comment settings!! Leave me a little note, a comment, feedback!! Criticism is fine, but hateful or mean comments will be removed. Come on, it takes more time to be a jerk than it does to be a sweetie. Go take a nap and revisit me. Love you, fishies!! <3 SNN

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