Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I Almost Seriously Injured Someone Just Now

True Story.

Let's follow my insane train of thought to tell this story, shall we? And since my ADHD self hasn't medicated yet, I would like to point out that I just said "train." Which made me get the tickles all over because Train is coming tonight with Maroon 5 and I'm pretty sure that Adam Levine is secretly in love with me and he doesn't know it.

I feel really bad for him now because when he figures it out, he will also simultaneously figure out that I am married and have moved on. I mean, if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it right? Geez, Adam, you're a great songwriter but you really don't know what you have until it's gone. I hope you learn for next time. Matters of the heart are no joke.

Anyways, before my train of thought got derailed (TRAIN! ADAM!) I was telling you about how I almost seriously injured someone. I had just taken my sweetie husband to work because my car is still in the shop. Earlier this morning my best friend from childhood posted this ridiculous picture of herself "planking" on her truck bed. She was basically laying there playing dead. It was a really dumb pose, but she called it "planking" and I figured since it had a name, it must be something people are doing now. So, as I was driving home from taking sweetie face to work, I couldn't wait to pull up more pictures of planking and also I looked it up in Urban Dictionary. There was really a definition, and it's kind of entertaining. (link here)

I pulled up to my house and kind of sat in the car for a while googling pictures of people planking. It's not funny at first, it's more like "What the f*** is that lady doing? She looks dead." but then when you see different pictures of grown adults in business attire laying all stiff on like, cop cars and subway platforms, it becomes pretty funny. Not only that, but it makes me want to plank too. I think something might be wrong with me. I really shouldn't be such a follower, but if it's a hot fad, I have a civic responsibility, as a blogger who has readers all over the globe, from Ukraine to Indonesia, I need to keep people aware of what is hip. So maybe I should try this planking thing, just to keep things current. I'll get back to you on that project.

So, I was in my car for EVER smirking at these pictures. Then I realized it was really damn hot in there and I needed to go into the house and have my coffee and go look up some planking pictures. You know, for work. All of a sudden, I open the door to step out and as soon as one foot hits the pavement I can see in my side view mirror that there is a bicyclist about 6 feet away and there is a look of panic on his face because he is about to hit my door. He jerks his handlebars and ends up spilling all over the pavement.

This is why I'm a horrible person and need to maintain constant contact with Jesus. I had the urge to take a picture with my iPhone and blame it on my friend once I made sure he was okay. I was going to be like "@Kimberly OMG look what your stupid planking photo caused!" except then as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I realized that something is definitely very wrong with me.

I apologized to the biker guy and he said he was fooling with his water bottle and didn't see me coming out of the car, and I told him that I was sorry, I didn't see him coming either. That could have been really bad for both him and my car door if they had made contact. He was going really fast.

Fortunately, all he had was a scrape though, and he went on his way and I realized that I had something awesome to blog about. I'm pretty sure we all walked away heroes today after that.

Holy crap update: People actually DIE doing planking???? Thanks a LOT, Kim, for ruining my morning because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be laughing at this for a few more hours and will be unable to do laundry or go to the grocery store.

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