I'm Kind of a Big Deal

What's up, fishes????


It's like 1:10 AM. I'm wishing I were asleep, but I'm not. It turns out I have bronchitis and a chest x-ray showed a small patch of pneumonia forming in my left lung, so I'm taking it easy.

Taking it easy by sitting on the couch all day gets boring as all get out , and I can't really sleep because I can't lie flat or I'll start hacking again.

I am not trying to be gross, but I feel like I shoved a spiky dish brush down my throat and scrubbed it from the inside raw. I am pretty sure going to that Maroon 5 concert around all those people is how I got some germs. Either that or that stank hotel in Myrtle Beach got me sick. One of my friends had a cold, but the cold I thought I got from him is gone now and I'm left with this worse crap that probably started incubating a week ago. BLAH!!

Ron Burgundy

I figured I would use this time constructively. And by constructively, I mean hammering out Ron Burgundy quotes on Twitter and seeing if anyone would respond. That was pretty impressive, in fact I got so much response I started getting competitive, and then one user told me he'd piss all over anyone who thought they knew more Ron Burgundy quotes than they did. Well, I kindly admitted I had been googling quotes and cheating, so he could point his wanker the other way. Then he told me he had more important things to do than piss all over me because there were riots going on in London.

Wow, thanks dude. So, I'm glad I'm in the clear about getting pissed on , but I'm trying to wrap my brain around this: Twitter Ron Burgundy Quote Duel > London Riots > pissing on Ron Burgundy poser savants. You know what, whatever. I don't want to be pissed on, and you cant twitter-piss on me anyway. Can you even believe this is on the table for debate? ME EITHER.

So, after I realized that I was probably wasting a good opportunity to blog, I decided that I should dispense some advice because that'd be really fun. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just telling you how I got to where I am. I mean, not everyone can sit here and blog about twit-piss and make a living off their bomb diggity writing skills. I had to claw my way up that food chain, baby!!

Here's my megamillion dollar advice to you on how to get something you want.

Identify it. Ask for it. Get ready to recieve it. If the answer you are getting is no, then you are asking the wrong person or you need to be more creative. If what you're aiming for is actually attainable and realistic, then it's yours. The only obstacles in the way are usually the ones you put there before you even start to attack the course.

Punch that adversity in the face! Maneuver like a ninja straight through those walls!!!

Who cares what people think? Let the petty crap go. Let it go. I let assholes drive me into the ground so far I was ready to give up. Do you know what? They're still assholes. Are you an asshole? Well give that up because assholes get what they want with a side dosage of Karma. You do not have time to sit with your head in your hands wondering what your next move is going to be and basing it on the possible opinions of someone who can't wait to tear you down.

Just. go. get it.

That's what you do. That's what I do. And I always, always win. Always.
It drives those assholes crazy.

You stay classy, Internet!!!