I Am Bad People.

Whoops-a-daisy!!


Hello my little bloggy minions. How are you? I'm doing great. I'm actually overreacting all morning because I have to get a cortisone shot in my knee but that's instead of surgery so I should just be thankful for that right? Of course I'm feeling neglected because I have no one to come with me and hold my hand and tell me happy things with the promise of a happy meal later since I was so brave, but that's ok. I'll get through it. I asked if I could take my own valium before hand and I heard laughing in the background and then a clearing of throat...you know the one where you're trying to stop laughing and be professional? I heard that and then "yesthasfineseeyoutomorrow" click. HAHA. Yes, I grossly over react when it comes to needles and "procedures" in general. But I'm actually ok. It's probably more of the attention whore in me that is acting up. DOWN WHORE!!!

I'm pretty sure this shot is going to hurt to Hades though because I deserve it to. I just found out today that I am kind of an a-hole. And that's really bad because I don't like a-holes that much.

Lucy has some splaining to do.

About two weeks ago my friend in Texas (who is a little socially off, think Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory.) told me he had started dating a new girlfriend and didn't really know her that well and blah blah blah, and good for you, etc. I think I was painting my nails. He's always dating a girl, she always dumps him like a month later because she can't handle the fact that he chews with his mouth open or has irritible bowel syndrome and farts constantly even in restaurants or something to that effect so I'm sorry, but it was redundant. (this friend is not on facebook because he doesn't know how it works). Well, I asked him what her name was so I could facebook stalk her (I am protective of my friends, no matter how uncouth and farty they are in public, so I always facebook stalk. Don't judge, employers do it too before they hire you. Sidebar: that's why I'm self employed) ..A D H D!! sorry....

Anyways so I pull up this girl's photo and text it to him. She's kind of hot. I give it a week. If I had been listening instead of deciding whether I wanted to wear Skankho Red or go all edgy and try IhateMyselfBlack nail polish, I would have heard they'd already been dating a month. My bad.

He asks, "oh my gosh, that's Mandy, where did you get that?" Duh, facebook, and you just told me her last name, like you always do, geez..no one ever learns....

I actually opted not to paint my nails at all because I was starting to get sleepy and he was going on about "do you know her?" etc because I used 2 percent of brain power and found the picture in like 20 seconds. So I told him that I found her on a high dollar escort site and that she likes long walks on the beach, threesomes with other men, S & M, and isn't afraid to spank a bad boy.

He sounded really confused, and I was sleepy so I changed the subject and ended the call, rolled over, went to sleep.

....two weeks later.......


He calls me and tells me he and Mandy are on the outs big time because he's just trying to help her get her life on track and he didn't want her to feel judged,but he thought he could help her by recommending a sex addiction/deviant counselor and possibly help her get on her feet and stop selling her body and that b*** was so ungrateful and so far in denial that they just kept fighting nonstop until he was so stressed out that he couldnt "reach her" and they broke up.

Oh hell. I forgot about the joke and forgot to say just kidding because I had my face in my nail polish drawer pissed that I couldn't find my "What's a Tire Jack?" Pink because that's my favorite one.

So they broke up. I'm still trying to figure out how to make it up to him but not willing to travel to texas and have a farty, open mouth chewed lunch. I can be a great friend from afar.

I said sorry like three times but he insisted he has a good radar and it doesn't matter (no he doesn't.) and that it was meant to be (no I totally stole your thunder dude) and why can't all girls be like me (that would be a nightmare). So I laughed at him. Cuz that's what I'm best at and do you know what he asked then? "Are you going to blog this?"

"Can I?"

"I don't know what a blog thing is so be my guest."

BAM.
You're welcome.