My Phone is A Bad Little Monkey

It's not even lunchtime yet and my iPhone has been making an asshole out of me all morning. I mean, I do a great enough job making people around these parts "bless my heart" all by myself but Im pretty sure the i in iPhone stands for idiotizer.

Here's my reasons why that happened just THIS morning:
That damn autocorrect.

Turning it off isn't really a good option either because the buttons are so tiny, spelling correctly just isn't going to happen. At least when the autocorrect word substitutes, the replacing word is spelled correctly. Everyone can LOL at a good autocorrect fail. If you turn the autocorrect off you just look uneducated and careless.

So far this morning, I replied "Kill" to a friend who asked me if I was upset with them because autocorrect thought that was more appropriate than LOL.

This morning I was all hyperfocused on something with a friend and was writing a lengthy text , I realized that my part of the conversation looked like a dead sea scroll or something. Blackberry never let me go on that long. Blackberry had a character limit. Not only that but I'm pretty sure that he has a different carrier and I definitely know he has a different phone that probably does have a character limit on texts so my stuff was coming at him like rapid fire. I loooked at the screen and it was like "white bubble that has one sentence reply" then giant green conversation bubbles (me) that just go on and on. Damnit, I know that is my fault but at least Blackberry had my back on the filter thing. Then, when I moved over to do something on my laptop, I leaned over on my phone and boob dialed same person. I say boob dialed because I was lying on my stomach reading a file and the phone was next to me, laptop needed a good reach to get ahold of. BAM boob dial. Thanks locking screen that allegedly locks after ten seconds. It didn't. So not only have I talked my friend's ear off, who has a regular day job unlike my circus, but now I look like it is so damn urgent I had to call him at work.

Another friend asked me how my knee was doing and I repied "I hope I don't have to get another big shot" except autocorrect thought it wasnt done fkking with me for the day and decided to replace shot with shit. This isn't even a close friend who thinks my idiot fails are endearing, it's a client turned friend. Awkward. I dont even say the word shit that much and when I do I spell it with stars. So I dont even know why it did that.

I wish I could stop there, but what finally inspired me to go put my phone on a charger far far from me was when I misdialed my gay friend and accidentally got the tour manager of one of my bands because his last name is the same as my friend's first name and I still hate the way iPhone files contacts. When the guy answers the phone, I said "hollerrrrr" cuz that's how my friend and greet each other. There is silence and the guy on the other says "I know it's later on the east coast, but isn't it still too early for alcohol?"

Awkward.

Dear Blackberry, I am so sorry I cheated and left you for iPhone's flashy awesomeness. Your karma wrath is felt daily. I promise.