Tales from the Airline Days:The Tainted Tissue Story

Now that I no longer work for an airline, I don't have as many idiot passenger stories.  That's sad because it really was fun to write them.  The good thing is, I don't have to worry about getting fired anymore. 

This is one of my favorites....The Tainted Tissue.  This was in 2009 when H1N1 was all the rage. I'm not doing any edits because copying and pasting from my old blog is easier.  You'll live.
Enjoy!!

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The Tale of the Tainted Tissue

Let's just say hypothetically...

hypothetically, if a lady was being a really big jerk at the gate and yelling at the agents on a flight because the inbound flight was from mexico and it was full of swine flu.........like she was being mean A LOT? Would it be really wrong to play a little game? just a tiny one? And it went like this: (this didnt reallllyyyy happen of COURSE ;) ;) )

CL = Crazy Lady
US= uh, us.. Not US Airways. Who is that?

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CL; Did you just say the inbound was from MEXICO?
US: Cancun! Cinco De MAYoOoOoOoO!!
CL: *gasp* THAT IS REPUGNANT
US: One second *googling repugnant on blackberry* *getting offended*
US: They're cleaning the plane, it's fine.
CL: WHY DIDNT THEY TELL ME THAT WHEN I BOUGHT THE TICKET?
US: *looking to see when ticket was purchased. Three months ago* When did you buy your tickets?
CL: YEAH!! AT LEAST SIX MONTHS AGO!! PLENTY OF TIME TO LET US KNOW OUR LIVES WERE IN DANGER!!!!
US: Yeeahh.....swine flu wasn't a problem, really, then....
CL: MY husband is sickly!! If he so much as sneezes, I will sue your airline
US: Don't get on then.
CL: That was rude.
US *making sure badge is flipped over, gnome side up*: Just sayin.

Hypothetically, if the agents made lots of announcements making sure to reiterate that the plane was coming in from MEXICO and watching her unravel again....good times....would that be a little too much?

Then, as an added bonus, hypothetically, what would happen if a kleenex filled with hand sanitizer (looks like snot) found itself wedged in between the two seats they occupy? I mean, accidentally....and like, all wet....?

And hypothetically, what if the agents friend who was nonrevving and sitting two rows back got his camera out and covertly video taped the lady flipping out and using a cane to move the offending kleenex full of the swine flu and melting down. Would it be rude if that same agent asked how everything was and the lady bit her lip and said nothing? I mean, just checking on her and all.

It didnt delay the flight. They still flew. For some reason, I might have gotten like four phone numbers from single guys and two marriage proposals. I also got four above and beyonds. A Chairman ripped the off just like that for providing a good show. I didnt know it was that big of a show. I mean, it's not like they even knew about the tissue. Wait, I mean, I didnt do it. ..er..what tissue?

Me and Mollypoo are funny. I didnt accept any numbers though because I am really, really not interested in flings or dating. If I want to go somewhere, David will take me anywhere I want to go, I get the royal queen treatment, first class top notch everything, and it's safe, and platonic, there are plenty of hugs to fix any tears that show up without fear of being taken advantage of "that" way. I swear, I dont think I'll ever be able to do THAT again.....I dont even think I could let anyone look at my body. Eughh.....

Anyway.....so about that flight, what if that whole kleenex jokey thingy happened?

Hypothetically ,I mean, cuz I didnt work that flight.....;)

Hypothetically.

Would that be too wrong to be funny? FYI. Hand Sanitizer looks a lot like snot if it needs to. Not that I would know.