Sunday, July 24, 2011

Normal or Weird? Angel or A**hole?

This might turn into a series because things randomly pop into my head and I wonder if I'm normal or weird.  First of all, is it normal to wonder if you're normal?  I wonder if everyone compares themselves to other people as much as I do. It's how I calculate my responses to lots of things.  It's how I keep my behavior in check (somewhat).  I definitely don't want to be normal, but I don't want to be a total freak either.  I don't mind letting my freak flag fly to some extent, we all know that I'm totally silly and often childish.  Is that appealing to all you clickers because it's like watching a train wreck or is it because you relate? Hmmm...
Well for example, today...I went to the grocery store. I absolutely have to make a list because I get overwhelmed.  I don't like trying new grocery stores because it upsets me to have to learn a new layout.  In fact, I usually on-line shop, but I put it off too long and online shopping isn't available on Sundays. 
So, I get done with my grocery shopping, the whole time impatient to be finished.  I get completely irritated with people standing in the aisle gawking.  Can there be a walking lane and a gawking lane? Why do you have to stand 5 feet away from the aisle and look like "The Thinker" statue? 
Thoughts like that pop into my head and then I realize that I might be an a**hole.  What if they have bad eyesight? It's not their fault!!  But it still irritates me.  Why do people let their kids run around like little psychos?  I realize it might be hard to contain them because they're psychos but is it possible to leave your kids at home or like, threaten them or something?  I can't stand moms who just let their kids do whatever and then shrug and say they have "free spirited" children.  I envision punting the children across the store.  I'm a total jerk.  I don't know where these thoughts come from and I would never ever do it.  I have my own kids that run around like psychos, but I threaten them and apologize to people.  I'm very aware of everyone around me and what they might be thinking.  I don't want you thinking of drop kicking my kid.  So I try very hard to keep them in check. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but if one of my beloved psychos knocks over a display you'd better believe they're picking it up immediately. 
One time, in Target, my 6 year old wanted to hold the eggs.  I knew it was a bad idea.  I knew in my gut it was. <em>SPOILER ALERT: They broke.</em>  but he said he was a big boy and I decided to let him have the benefit of the doubt.  About 30 seconds after I gave them to him, and let him sit IN the cart for added safety, he somehow managed to drop them and they went all over the floor.  I was horrified. There were other shoppers everywhere.  I probably said something like "OMG ARE YOU
 KIDDING ME?!" really loud. I don't really remember and I can say that I gently scolded but I'm pretty sure gently doesn't happen when humiliation mixes with that conviction that you should have known better, and also the need to clean up the mess quick but how? 
It's  not like I can just grab some Bounty off the shelf?  I left my shopping cart over the spill and told the kids to stay put.  I scouted for a store employee.. couldn't find one anywhere.....I honestly would have cleaned it myself, but I had no way to do it and couldn't find help.  I couldn't leave it there to be stepped on, so I fixed it by finding a small carry basket nearby and putting it upside down over the spill.  Then, at the register, I asked them to charge me for two dozen eggs because we broke one.  The cashier said it was fine, but at least I tried.
Today, at Harris Teeter, some crazy kid knocked over a display of strawberries.  Strawberries bouncing everywhere.   The mom was on the cell phone.  Do you know what she did, she jerked him by his T-Shirt, hauled him into the cart and then rolled the cart over the strawberries.  No effort to pick them up whatsoever.  She didn't even tell the person on the phone to hold on a second, or "OMG Tyrone just made a huge mess, call you back." and I know it wasn't a business call because she was being so obnoxiously loud with her conversation. "Oh, no, he is gonna pay me my money because if he doesn't I'm gonna cut his a$$"  I mean, I hope that wasn't a business conversation anyway.  And who says A$$ in the grocery store?  And why was Tyrone not made to pick up the strawberries?  And what made it even worse is that a HT employee was standing nearby fixing apples and I saw her look of disgust.  So I helped with the strawberries.  I couldn't not.  I didn't want to.  But I can't walk by something like that and not have empathy.   So, now I'm an angel, not an a**hole, right?

Now, moving on to the checkout.  I can't stand to see someone angling to be first.  I will always let them win.  It just feels weird. I don't wanna race like kindergartners.  Angel, right?  Now it's my turn to check out.  I'm terribly ADD.  I am not good at organization in a hurry.  Grocery baggers don't just throw stuff in the bag, they have a system.  Which is why I like that service. I don't help people bag.  It's also their job.  I recently did a social media poll and realized that most people help bag.  I don't want to do it.  I hate it.  Is that normal?  I don't do it.  My bags get all messed up.  Leave it to the professional.  Turns out, I am not normal and quite possibly an a**hole.  So, that makes me feel kind of guilty while that is happening.  Here comes my freak flag, are you ready?  I'm waving it right now.  Sometimes I feel so guilty about not helping bag that I will have a pretend phone conversation that seems super important so that I'm excused. 
It might even make me look more rude. 
So, what do you guys think?  Angel or A**hole?  Do you ever have fake phone conversations to get out of awkward social situations? Do you help bag groceries? Do you let people in in traffic?  Do you flip people off when they cut you off?  What if that person is on the way to the hospital?   Would you feel bad? 
Looking forward to your comments!!  If you are going to leave a  hateful comment, be a man/woman and leave your real name. Otherwise, don't bother because you look like a weiner. 
Love all the way to the moon, kiddos.



At July 24, 2011 at 1:21 PM , Blogger Trina.H said...

Okay I won't be a creeper...
Girl, If you aren't normal then I certainly am not either. In fact I have close friends who have terrorists for kids and disrespect every adult that challenges them both by acts and words(if that makes sense). Their parents are blind to how this might affect their kids lives further down the road (if not sooner). So I'm an A**hole too eh? This drives me so insane. I must be a hardnosed military like mom for demanding manners or something... but I know I can take my kids out to places like The Gallery(Ballantyne)Restaurant and not worry too much about being asked to leave..We've gotten compliments from awed waiters and customers who only notice when we leave that we have kids... Their kids well, he can only take them to places like Burger king with a play area.
Is that mean that I want nothing to do with that, NO.
You and I have WAY too much alike. I tend to think the same crap in many situations. That's why I like you and am laughing and shaking my head like a fool at the screen. yep, been there, done that including grabbing the mop at the store or fast food place, and I don't feel bad about that.
Love you..keep on writing

At July 24, 2011 at 1:52 PM , Blogger Tuesdee Davis - Domestic Diva! said...

I think if you don't want to bag, don't...don't pretend to be on the phone, what if it rings? LOL. Fiddle in your purse or say, "I would love to help you bag but you honestly do it better than me" and laugh! As far as flipping someone off, i would never, people should never do that. Let a couple in and call it your quota for the day, that might be you who needs in, next time. You're not an angel or an a$$hole. You're blunt and honest (well in your blogs anyway)...everyone has a lot of these thoughts but most people don't admit it.


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