Today's Blog Sponsor - Dead Squirrell
I'm really upset because I hit that sweet cute little squirrel today. Squirrel looks better as SQUIRRELL to me, so I am going to be a rebel and spell it the way I want so I don't have to go back and correct stuff.
I didn't actually hit that squirrell in the picture, actually, becauase if I did, you could accuse me of driving and taking pictures, which, this time I was not doing and therefore I would deserve all this guilt I have. But no, that's just a google image and the squirrell I took out today wasnt eating a peanut.
It was just standing there. Like some asshole squirrell telling me to bring it. It didn't even move and there was oncoming traffic , and there was nothing I could do and then there was a soft thud under the tire and the undercarriage of the car and it kinda got flung to the side a little and I parked the car and I felt so bad I was going to wrap it up in a little whatever the hell was in my trunk and take it to the vet because I felt so bad seeing his squirrelly little face and then BAM I hit it! I couldn't bear to have his cute face in my nightmares as being the one responsible for ending him so I pulled over and that was a really really bad idea because now I have a worse visual to deal with at night. Not worse than spiders though because I'm all about spider smashing. Sorry, I know it's not fair, God's creatures and all, whatever. That spider was coming right for me!! SMASH!!!
Ok so anyways, you can tell by how all over the place I am that I'm still pretty traumatized. But now the image of squirrell smash is in my head and I dont' even want to go to sleep now.
I vented on twitter and I processed my thoughts. Is there a squirrell heaven? Can squirrells recognize and miss each other? Do you think that squirrell had squirrell babies?
The responses I got were reassuring. Here are a few:
v6flatb3d Mark Castator:
@ShannonDRauch A squirrel is just a rat with better marketing. #BushyTail
FerLaurent Fernando Laurent
@ @ShannonDRauch He's going to be in a better place rite now. This happening was on his track.
kc9cgj Matthew Hartman
@ @ShannonDRauch There's a heaven for all critters. It's called Disneyland.
@ShannonDRauch happened to me once too - little guy fell out of a tree. #sosad
@ @ShannonDRauch #ofcoursethereisasquirrelheaven
So, I felt a little better, and then I took a bath to decompress. I made the water as hot as I could tolerate it, and then I got way too hot and had to jump out and pass out on the fan all nekkie like always because that's really bad for my blood pressure but I never seem to learn my lesson.
A silver lining for today was that when I turned the bathwater on, the sprayer didn't hit me in the face. The cleaning lady was here today and she uses the sprayer attachment on the bathtub paired with scalding water to wash it and she always leaves it on spray position so that when I take a bath to destress, I end up getting more pissed off by a scalding spray to the face. I never learn. Today, she left it in the off position. So either she remembered or she didn't clean the tub as diligently, but I appreciated not having to hold my face yelling the F word while my husband laughs at me and asks me why I never learn.
In other news, I have decided to pretend that the squirrell was flipping me off, calling me fat and mooning me, and he deserved to get hit. However, this isn't really working because I have the urge to name him Peanut which is making this even more personal.
RIP Peanut the Idiot Road Scuirrell 2011ish-2011
(insert picture of squirrell flipping me off so I dont feel as bad)
Do you think if there is a Squirrell heaven that Peanut forgives me? I'm such a bad person!! (sob) (running off)