Friday, August 26, 2011

That "Stranger Danger" Feeling

This dude wants to eat your toenails and sit in a bathtub full of your hair

Holy It's Finally Friday, Batman!! Fire up the party cannons!!

So, I have been kind of anti social on here lately because of my lack of sleep and the amount of running around and busy busy busy my life has been has left me with not much time to be blogging except in the middle of the night when I am having insomnia issues. But even then, whining about no sleep is getting boring and I need some new material or there's no point to even log on here that late.

I'm here for you right now though!! Do you feel the love? So snuggly and warm and not at all creepy right?

Ok, so speaking of creepy, do you know that internal creepy danger feeling you get sometimes? That internal radar that tells you something is wrong? Well I just want to put this out there, there is this dude painting a white house on my street at the corner. He's been working on it recently and he listens to his radio really loud and it's like 50's and 60's era music. He stares at me when I walk past. I mean, the kind of stare that makes me think I need to go take a shower immediately. My arm hairs all prickle up around him, even when I don't notice him there. When I make eye contact, he doesn't break the stare, he just follows me with his eyes before I pass , as I pass, and after I pass. I don't feel like he's getting a boner or checking me out as a cute girl though, I get the feeling he wants to very slowly cut me into little pieces and do really bad torturous serial killer things and get away with it because he's random painter dude that no one notices. I feel kinda guilty saying this, but I swear, I'm always freaked out when I pass him. He knows where I live. He knows I'm by myself and the only protection I have is a dog the size of a horse. Which is good protection but still.

Anyway, if anything bad happens to me, he should be a suspect. And also anyone who reads this blog because now you can kill me and it can get blamed on the painter dude.

I will admit sometimes I am a little too paranoid. I hate Trick or Treat because if someone wanted to stab me, they could ring my doorbell like a trick or treater and then stab me and I would scream and there would be blood everywhere and everyone would clap because OMG THAT LOOKS SO REAL!! and no one would know I was really dead til the candy bowl ran out.

I also hate fireworks because someone could shoot me and no one would notice a loud popping noise.

Sometimes I dial 911 and have my finger on send when I see creepy looking people walking near me. I also take a deep breath and poke my stomach out and have bad posture so I look pregnant. Pregnant women are sweet and precious and also if they murder me it's two counts not just one and so that makes me a less attractive victim than a non pregnant person in case they get caught. Also, I like to wear heels because I can beat the crap out of someone with them. I don't like mace because I haven't practiced with it and would likely end up getting maced myself. So I don't have that. I also pretend to be talking on the phone when I walk past creepy looking people because if they try to murder me I could yell their description into the phone. I also keep lots of loose things in my purse so that if I got attacked and dragged I would have the option of dropping things in a trail so i could be found. Oh look it's my lipstick. My reciept from the Grocery Store. My glasses. My hairband. ETC.

I do not know how to ninja chop someone but it's on my agenda.

So, yes, I am afraid of being abducted, but these things run through my head when I see creepy looking people. This painting dude makes me FEEL creeped out inside and out. I just shivered again. I hope he finishes his job soon and goes away.

Hmm....well my blog's not that funny today, but I did go to Britney last night and will blog about that later maybe tomorrow, I just decided that I'm sleepy.

Have a happy weekend!! <3



At August 26, 2011 at 6:58 PM , Blogger Tres said...

I maced myself once, inadvertantly. It was freshman year and I had some on my keychain. I was going to Arizona with Elizabeth Skipper for spring break and while waiting for her family to pick me up I decided to test it out. It kinda trickled out and in order to effectively mace someone they'd have to be within 3 inches of my mace. Piece of crap. I later decided to change my contacts (you missed the days of two different colored eyes) and holy jebus I had mace on my finger! And then in my eye. It sucked big time.


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